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职场得意的女性为何频频情场失意?-给力心理
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职场得意的女性为何频频情场失意?

职场得意的女性为何频频情场失意?
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https://yun.geilixinli.com/@!size60"/>

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发表时间:2016-03-12 00:35:22 605 1 5

      阿梅(来访者,化名)虽然三十几岁,但依然拥有女性艳羡漂亮身材,蜂腰肥臀,利索,泼辣。做饭洗衣管家、工作、投资、赚钱,里里外外一把手。第一印象总是让男人着迷。但是她的婚姻却并不顺利。离过两次婚,现在的爱情又不知在何方。经咨询后,了解到阿梅的一些婚姻情况。
       第一任丈夫,英俊潇洒,事业有成,但是在家里没有任何发言权,阿梅总是指点江山,居高临下,他的丈夫也总是在阿梅的呵斥贬谪中闷声不语。六年前他借着一次出国的机会,一去不回,多少年来不知所终。有人背后议论说,因为阿梅对丈夫太凶狠,他早在外面找了女人过起了新的小日子。阿梅的能干仅限于国内,在中国以外的事情,她也鞭长莫及,最后以婚姻事实死亡为由,阿梅起诉离婚。
      第二任丈夫,俩人网上相恋,双双坠入爱河。不到一年,两人结婚。结婚后打闹不断,到派出所进行刑事纠纷调解都不是三次两次。没有坚持到半年,阿梅再次离婚,原因是俩人性格不合。阿梅认为男方素质太低,男方却说阿梅控制欲太强。
      在两段婚姻中间和前后,阿梅还谈过N次恋爱,这些男人素质看上去都不错,有的是教师,有的是画家,有的是工程师,有的是老板或国家公务员。他们都迷恋于阿梅的姿色和能干而走近她,又都惧怕她近乎疯狂的控制欲望而远离她,比如:
       男方所挣的钱必须如数上交,买烟买酒买衣服都可以,但是需要从阿梅手里支出。阿梅一点不缺钱,甚至他为这个男人付出的钱,比交回来的钱要多得多,但是她要有自己掌控着这个男人行踪的踏实。
      这其实还不是最受不了的,还有诸如随时电话跟踪定位呀、不许跟别的女人交往呀、不许给男方家里拿钱呀......控制多如牛毛,总之一切都要在她的掌控中。这些男人感到找到她好像自找了一间精神的牢狱。
      更要命的是,她极度情绪化,一句话不合她的心意,她可以又哭又闹死打烂缠,让这些男人给她说清楚一些说不清楚的事情,要不然就砸家具砸电视,寻死觅活,惊动110、120等等;她可以不让这些男人去上班,去做生意,让他们名誉扫地,让他们丢失大宗的业务等等,总之哪招最毒用那招,招招点穴,让男人叫苦不迭;发起飚来,无法沟通,无法安抚,惊天动地。
      这些男人为了暂时脱身,不得不委屈自己,在她面前低声下气。可是爱她的心却渐渐冷去。一朝下决心,弃之如敝履,任阿梅苦苦挽留,毫不动心。
      阿梅并非一个没有温柔的女人,她对她的宠物狗有超乎寻常的爱心:狗狗生病了,她不惜花上数万元钱,到宠物医院为狗狗输液,吃药打针;当她的爱狗生命最终无法挽回时,她为它哀哀哭泣,如丧考妣,仿佛哀悼一个最亲的亲人离去。
      朋友不可思议:一条狗你尚且怜惜,人不比宠物更贵重吗?你为何对身边的男人却一点不怜惜?你对狗狗好像比对这些男人好多了?
      阿梅却理直气壮地说:狗狗听话,不惹我生气呀!他们却总是惹我生气,我怎么对他们好得起来?
      朋友说:那如果狗狗惹你生气,你还会心疼它吗?
      阿梅一口回答:“不可能”!
      她说的是狗狗绝对不可能惹她生气。不难想象,如果狗狗有自己的思想,敢于冒犯阿梅时,阿梅的怜悯心也必会烟消云散。
      因为她的怜恤只能朝向绝对顺从不反抗的对象——宠物。男人要得到她的怜恤,代价就是像宠物那样温顺。所以她要的其实不是丈夫,而是人样的宠物。
      阿梅们处理夫妻关系的基本原则是:“顺我者昌,逆我者亡”,或者“只许你规规矩矩,不许你乱说乱动”。因为她们要在对男人的绝对掌控中,获得虚假的安全感。
      但凡一个有尊严,有思想,有独立性的男人,怎能在这样的畸形关系中生存?所以阿梅们的爱情悲剧是必然的。
      她们如果希望有幸福的婚姻,就得彻底意识到自己的婚姻态度的问题,放弃把另一半当“宠物”的变态诉求,尊重对方的人格,尊重对方的尊严,收敛自己的控制欲,在公认的界限中,学会处理婚姻关系。
      

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本文作者

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长程个案

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