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母亲是负责家庭的“气候”,父亲要及时接纳化解母亲的情绪-给力心理
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母亲是负责家庭的“气候”,父亲要及时接纳化解母亲的情绪

母亲是负责家庭的“气候”,父亲要及时接纳化解母亲的情绪
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发表时间:2015-08-16 14:48:09 426 0 4

母亲负责家庭的“气候”,父亲及时接纳化解母亲的情绪

    作为一个母亲最重要的是培养孩子有一个非常健康的心态,非常自信地去解决他们自己所面临的问题。   

                                           ——杨澜              

    家庭是孩子的第一成长环境,母亲就是孩子生命的源头活水,是孩子成长的第一责任人,尤其在生命早期,母亲的作用是无可替代的。

    女人身兼多个角色,但是作为母亲,大部分的快乐和痛苦都与孩子密不可分。孩子呱呱落地,孩子哭着,妈妈笑着;养育孩子过程中,孩子会坐了、会爬了、长牙了、学说话了、会走路了……这些过程无不伴随着妈妈的快乐。孩子两岁多了,要开始“独立”了,妈妈管不了这个总是说“不”,不听话的孩子了,妈妈开始着急、发火……

    作为孩子,他们最愿意看到妈妈高兴。《出彩中国人》来自山东淄博的三岁光头男孩张峻豪,带着自己的大宝贝大音箱,给评委和观众“随便跳”。评委拿着他的遥控器操纵着音乐,按到哪一个音乐,他就立刻扭动自己圆圆的脑袋和小小的身体改变舞姿,随着音乐 “随便跳”,儿童舞、民族舞,机器舞……这个孩子一举一动萌倒了亿万观众。但是,最让我印象深刻的是,当评委周立波问他:“你为什么要跳舞?”他奶声奶气的回答:“因为我喜欢跳舞。我跳舞的时候,妈妈就笑,妈妈笑说明就是幸福。”

    古有“母子连心”的说法,现在研究证明是有科学依据的。以色列研究人员发现,3个月大的婴儿能够和他们的母亲实现彼此的心跳同步。研究人员让40对母婴面对面相处,并在每个人的心脏部位配备了能够检测心跳的电极。结果发现,随着母亲充满爱意的面容或是欢乐的笑声的出现,母亲与孩子的心跳很快就“步调一致”了。

母亲的情绪影响孩子人格形成

    母亲是孩子生命早期最重要的人。孩子有取悦母亲的天性,妈妈笑,他们更开心,感觉更安全。但是妈妈有时候生气不开心,他们就会以为是自己不够好,孩子没有能力让妈妈开心起来,又担心母亲会离开自己,就会变得小心翼翼,长此下去,有可能形成敏感自卑的性格。

    我的来访者小舟(化名)内向自闭,上大一的时候因为在宿舍无法与舍友相处,搬出来在外面租房子住。但是外面一点点动静都会影响他的睡眠。他说,他很小的时候失眠就比较轻浅,高中时候因为学习压力大,导致失眠。他上进心很强,大三准备考研,但是他的耳朵异常警觉,会在深夜捕捉到一点点的声音,导致自己又彻夜难眠。

    他说:“我好想在故意寻找那些声音,但又控制不住。”

    关于失眠的问题,我帮他做了疏导,告诉他一些方法来缓解。几天之后,他再来咨询,失眠有了一些缓解,可还会不由自主的搜索一些声音。

    问及小舟的家庭状况,他说,家里奶奶当家,父亲都听奶奶的,妈妈总是受奶奶的气,他很多次看到妈妈一个人在屋里哭。有一次,妈妈一夜没有回来。从此他睡觉比较轻,很怕妈妈再离开自己。

    小舟的父亲愚孝,忽视了小舟母亲的感受和情绪,还和小舟奶奶一起挑剔、压抑小舟母亲的情绪。母亲的不良情绪和消极心态促使小舟形成敏感内向、缺乏安全感的性格。这是对孩子成长最大的犯罪。

父亲为母亲的情绪负责

    我一个朋友一岁多的孩子总是说“怕”,问不出原因。在和孩子妈妈交谈中,她说出自己带孩子太累了,老公和公婆都不管,妈妈要带弟弟家孩子,自己也不能出去工作,有时候真不想要这个孩子,都想把她从楼上扔下去。

    原来,母子连心,孩子能觉察妈妈的情绪,怕妈妈把自己“杀”掉。

    我的朋友因为心情原因得了产后抑郁。我很多罹患产后抑郁的妈妈,大多是因为过度劳累,对于新妈妈角色不适应,闷在家里心情压抑、缺少关爱导致的。特别是孩子爸爸不能支持,还指责和苛求妈妈,抱怨妈妈的情绪,这样只能增加孩子妈妈的精神负担。

    在一个家庭里,父亲负责家庭的风景,母亲负责家庭的气候;父亲对母亲的情绪负责,母亲对孩子的情绪负责。孩子内在的情绪升温,才能够对孩子的学习热情发挥应有的母教功能。

    有责任感的父亲,应该用男人特有的宽容和理性,及时发现孩子母亲的不良情绪,给予理解和支持。父亲包容母亲,接纳化解母亲的不良情绪,当母亲有一些情绪波动,父亲能够设身处地的理解她的感受,及时抚慰她的情绪。这样,就是给母亲一个舒适安稳的心灵空间,心里所有的委屈和怨恨,包括对家人对孩子的怨恨,都会烟消云散,甚至转化成爱,她才能更好的满足孩子,给孩子足够的安全感。

    当母亲生气的时候,父亲可以轻轻的拥抱母亲。

    当母亲累了感到委屈的时候,父亲可以帮着捏捏腿,说:“老婆辛苦你了。”

    当母亲感到失望的时候,父亲可以说:“没关系,我们一家人在一起,就没有过去的坎儿,我们一定会越来越好。”

    当然,两个人可以抽出时间,不带孩子,过一过浪漫的二人世界。

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长程个案

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咨询时
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