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婚姻课堂----怎样处理外遇问题-给力心理
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婚姻课堂----怎样处理外遇问题

婚姻课堂----怎样处理外遇问题
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https://yun.geilixinli.com/@!size60" onerror="this.src='/public/statics/images/default.jpg'"/>

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发表时间:2015-05-29 09:33:56 155 0 0

1.冷静下来:碰到配偶有外遇时难免会天旋地转肠断心裂苦不堪言。在这种情况中最容易使原配丧失理智,仿佛无头苍蝇乱穿。事实上,最重要的是先冷静下来,分析一下到底事情是如何发生的,他们两个人的关系有多严重彼此之间的吸引力如何等等。
2.一哭二闹三上吊不一定有用,反而是配偶与你越来越疏远。若是哭能使你的配偶愧疚,当然不妨用哭取胜。问题是哭多了不仅没有实际效果,而且会产生反作用吵闹经常会使配偶心烦。受不俩盘,更不愿回家,所以效果不佳。至于上吊,就算你不幸撒手西归,最高兴的还是情敌,所以千万别采取此下策。
3.千万不要轻言放弃婚姻或有成人之美的打算。不要忘了,婚姻若是放弃,日后最不幸的不是配偶,而是你自己。轻言离婚,受害最大的是无辜的小孩,并且你日后会有数不尽的唏嘘与寂寞,强调决不放弃婚姻,不仅让自己有更大的空间去努力,,而且让第三者知道他们前途比较没有希望。因为他们日后不能结婚,也可能成为他们争吵的因素。
4.不要到处哭诉。一般最常见的是原配到处指责配偶的不是,不仅跟父母诉苦,也想邻居陈述,甚至到配偶的上司那里去告状,颇有势不两立的决心。问题是在这种撕破脸皮的状态下,只有使配偶更没有脸见人,更没有台阶下,回头的机会相对的减少了。
5.以退为进,学习包容宽恕,可能反使配偶更容易回头。夫妻争吵阶段中,原配得理不饶人,直说配偶不是时,促使配偶增加了“犯罪感”。这种犯罪感在无法排除时,外遇者容易有“一不做二不休,反正大家闹开了,我也没有什么可保留的”这种心态,两人关系愈来愈远。相反的,包容,宽恕,忍耐则较能使配偶有“愧疚感”,深觉对不起你,不敢再伤害你,这些方法则是吸力,虽然在苦不堪言的状态时,原配很难达到这些理想,但为顾全大局,朝这个方向努力是上策。
6.不要有报复行为。为了惩罚配偶有外遇,自己也去寻找外遇来报复对方,这是外遇问题的处理中最愚蠢的行为。不仅问题不能解决,两人关系更加恶化,受害者必然增多,而且原配的权益(如赡养费,子女生活费,甚至于在道德面前的“地位”)完全消失且落人话柄,当事人千万不可一试。
7,.不要在孩子面前争吵。孩子是最无辜的受害者,在争吵过程中,夫妻两人最常见的现象就是用物质利益来收买孩子,希望孩子站到他那边;另一个普遍现象是揭发配偶的缺点,好让孩子了解事情的真相。如此一来,孩子不但学会了要挟大人以取得物质利益,心理上也会有两边受包抄的感觉,最严重的后果还会造成孩子的困惑,自卑以及无所是从,造成孩子心理不平衡。所以夫妻之间的争执,尤其外遇问题因该避免孩子介入其间。

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