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案例:咬舌头的女孩-给力心理
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案例:咬舌头的女孩

案例:咬舌头的女孩
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发表时间:2015-05-29 13:19:31 303 0 0

       故事从家开始

       我还没有回到诊所,那边就不停来电催促,告诉我有个焦急的家庭,前一天就上门要求见我。恰巧我自己也在看医生,虽然预约,却总是不准时,偏偏这天还有个女人一直想插队,让我急得像热锅上的蚂蚁。

       赶时间、赶车、赶人潮,大城市的节奏,让我这刚刚度完暑期的城市人也难以应付。狼狈万分地回到诊所,这一家三口已经在等着我。

     一个九岁的小女孩,长得十分可爱,长长的睫毛,大眼珠不停滚动。她的父母迫不急待地向我解释女儿的问题,母亲还用手提电话拍摄了女儿发病时的面部表情;原来这沉默的小女孩,有自己咬舌头的倾向,严重时把舌头都咬破了。在母亲的电话上,还可以看到她不停地转动嘴巴,好像作面部运动。为了医治这个小女孩,父母已经见过不少专家,也多次送她入院。在公立医院没有起色,就送入私家医院,最近才在一间私家医院住了十多天出来,最后也是证明没有生理上的问题,但是前前后后已经花了几十万元。

       现在他们被转介来见我,女孩十分不愿意,一直嚷着要走。爸爸解释说,刚才他们注册时,女儿知悉费用是照时间计算的,因此尽量不想浪费时间,为家里省钱。如此苦心的孩子,为什么会染上如此奇怪的心理病?父母来自内地,他们还有一个大女儿,比小女儿大三岁。为了给两个女儿创立更好的前途,夫妇决定移居香港。来港后,为了协助生计,母亲长期在别处打工,父亲一个人带着两个女儿,在一家杂货店工作,就住在店铺楼上,以方便照顾女儿。

缘何染上怪病

      其实小妹多年前就开始发病。为了照顾女儿,母亲终于在数月前辞去工作,回家团聚。没想女儿的病情不但没有好转,反而加深,而且对母亲十分抗拒。母亲振振有词,认定女儿是受了家乡一个婶母搬弄是非的影响。

      其实孩子的心病,总是离不开父母的问题。这小女孩所患的是一种身心症,心里的焦虑,从身体上表达出来。她究竟焦虑什么?这一家人并不富裕,却不惜重金不断找专家寻求答案,让我心中十分不忍。我告诉他们,不必到私家诊所来见我,太昂贵了。我请他们到家庭治疗学院去做一个家庭评估,因为那里有赞助,服务可以免费。

       所谓家庭评估,就是从家庭系统去了解孩子的病态。我们一般会要求父母讨论一些他们尚未解决的问题,同时量度孩子对他们的说话内容及互动形式有怎样的生理反应,包括心跳频率,手汗和体温变化。

      评估一开始,母亲便急着指责丈夫坏脾气,凡事不与她商量。来港七年,经济毫无进展,反而负债累累,他的处世为人,没有一宗事让她觉得满意。丈夫尽量不回应,被逼得急了,就怪她啰嗦。他委屈地说:「七年了,难道我没有努力吗?我不是像牛一样工作吗?」再说不下去,他就说,离婚算了。

女儿心里担忧

       小妹的生理反应一直在超标,她的心跳由开始时的每分钟一百三十次,多次增强到每分钟一百九十次。目睹父母的不和,她的嘴巴很自然地就转动起来,好像在告诉他们要停止吵闹!

        这个为时半小时的评估,不但让我们有机会看到夫妇间所面对的问题,也可以了解孩子的心结。大女儿虽然没有出现问题,但是我请父母把她一起带来,因为姐姐对妹妹的观察,有时会比大人敏锐。果然,姐姐向父母提供很多他们意想不到的心声。原来她知道妹妹与她一样担心父母,看到他们天天争吵,心里很是不安。两姐妹在学校成绩都不错,妹妹尤其成绩优越,就是不善说话。她们知道父亲辛苦,尽量不去制造问题。

       父亲说:「她们都很乖!很明白我的苦处!」说起这七年来,他亦父亦母,而无论他怎努力,都无法为家人带来生活的安定。乡间还有老母亲,这也是他忧心忡忡地方,说着说着,一个大男人就流下泪来。

       父亲在哭,母亲也在哭,这一对聚少离多的夫妻,从来没有机会学习如何互相配合。一向以来都是父亲与两个女儿相依为命,现在妻子从外地回来,要取回母亲的角色,谈何容易。两个一直盼望母亲回家团聚的小姐妹,也无法适应那本来是远距离的思念,突然变成近距离的管制。

       只是一直以来,全部重点都放在小妹的嘴巴及舌头,让父母都不必去处理他们自己的矛盾,而他们中间的矛盾,正正就是小妹不停咬舌头的主因。

父母之间矛盾

       这是一个移港家庭的悲哀,他们离乡别井,找寻一个更好的将来,但是种种原因,不但事与愿违,女儿还得了莫名其妙的病,他们无法理解发生在自己身上的事。

       面对自己内心的无助与彷徨,父母不再互相指责,姐姐和妹妹也跟着不停下泪,他们的遭遇实有太多值得一哭的地方!母亲拿着纸巾盒子,一张张地把纸巾递给她的家人,让泪水把一家人连接起来。

      七年了,七年来的哀痛,一个男人的孤独挣扎,妻子无法理解,因为她自己也在独自挣扎,但是两个女儿,却一切都看在眼里,藏在心中,孩子爱莫能助,只有为父母咬烂舌头。

       有趣的是,小妹在这一个多小时的倾谈过程中,完全没有咬舌头,也没有转动嘴巴,只是亲切地依在父亲身旁,默默流泪。最后,治疗师鼓励她随着姐姐走到父亲面前,要求他不要老是提出离婚。父亲说他只是生气时才说的。姐姐说:「不是的,你有几次已经收好行李,要回乡去!」

        他们倾家荡产,为女儿找寻病因,而病源,就在眼前。看到女儿如此为他们着急,父母也很受感动。妻子坐到丈夫身旁,对他说;「我们学习如何相处吧!」丈夫如释重负,又哭起来,但是这次是放松的哭,他说:「你知道我有多累吗?」能言的妻子本来不自觉地又想说一番话,但是她在治疗师的提醒下,把话收回,反而用手在丈夫胸前轻轻抚慰。

       两个孩子看到父母承诺接受夫妇辅导,学习改善关系,也安顿下来,十分期待地离去。父母活得不好,孩子也没可能活得好,家庭评估让我们在很短时间就可以解读孩子的焦虑;可惜的是,我们往往为孩子提供很多个人评估,就是没有考虑家庭的因素。

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长程个案

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续单率

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