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如何消除嫉妒的心理?-给力心理
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如何消除嫉妒的心理?

如何消除嫉妒的心理?
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发表时间:2015-01-30 10:11:21 230 0 0

嫉妒的根源主要是两点:喜欢和别人比较、对自己不自信。 

嫉妒是最容易造成自己不快乐的原因。佛教中提到人最应该摒弃的“三毒”是“贪、嗔、痴”。“嗔”就主要来源于嫉妒。嫉妒也是西方“七宗罪”之一。看来,嫉妒确实是人类最普遍、最根深蒂固的负面情感之一。

 

如何理解嫉妒呢?让我们先从以下两个维度进一步分析下嫉妒。

1、前提条件是否一样。如果甲和乙的前提条件一样,但乙受到的待遇却不如甲,乙当然会嫉妒。可是,如果乙将自己的嫉妒控制在合理范围内,或者说乙只是羡慕甲,那么这种没有负能量的善意嫉妒还能带来一定积极的效果。例如,学校里两个同学甲和乙,各方面条件一样,但是老师却更喜欢甲,选甲做了班长。乙很嫉妒甲。此时,乙也许可以提出异议,要求民主,从制度上对班委的选举流程进行改善。罗素曾说过,嫉妒是民主的基础。当你读罗兰夫人的回忆录时,你会发现,使她变成这样一个热烈的民主主义者的原因,是因为当她访问一个贵族城堡时,她竟然被带到仆人的房间里接见。

2、条件是否是自己可控的。如果两人的前提条件不一样,那就需要进一步分析这种条件是否是自己可控的。

(1)条件是自己可控的。例如,甲的学习成绩比乙好,乙很嫉妒甲。可是乙经过分析发现,甲学习成绩比自己好的原因,完全是因为甲学习更努力,这完全是自己的可控因素。那么乙只要更努力的学习,就可以改变这种情况。并且,如果进一步看到我在下文将谈到的对于消除嫉妒心理的建议,就可以知道,乙更应该做到的是,不和甲比较,只和自己比,看自己是不是能通过努力让自己每天都有进步。

(2)条件是自己不可控的。比如,乙嫉妒甲,因为甲的家庭条件好,或者甲长的漂亮。对于自己不可控因素的嫉妒,完全就是无谓地庸人自扰。那么此刻,乙应该学会地是坦然地面对自己,珍惜和感恩自己所拥有的。毕竟,还有什么能比快乐更令人羡慕呢。我若能去掉嫉妒的恶习,我就能获得快乐。

 

通过以上的分析,我们对于嫉妒有了进一步认识。那么,如何消除嫉妒心理呢?

 

首先,当你发现自己嫉妒时,要正确地面对自己的这一心理,不用过于内疚自责,专注于积极应对自己的这一负面情绪并逐渐消除嫉妒心理即可。嫉妒本来就是一种负面情绪,如果你因此而内疚自责,就会受到双重的负面情绪影响。摒弃嫉妒是很多人都需要修炼的内功,只不过每个人嫉妒的程度不同而已。我在“知乎”上搜了一下,对于“嫉妒”的提问有很多,看来很多知友都有对于“嫉妒”的困惑并想改善。当你意识到自己嫉妒并想要消除掉自己的嫉妒心理时,你已经向正确的方向迈进了一大步。如果把嫉妒的程度分为十级,我猜这些已经意识到自己嫉妒并想要消除掉自己的嫉妒心理的知友的嫉妒等级应该是小于五级的。并且可以推测,这些知友是善于自省、积极向上的。

 

其次,我们先要找到一些“治标”的办法,让我们尽快从嫉妒引起的负面情绪中走出来。当我们嫉妒时,我们会变得郁郁寡欢,有时甚至会很生气。为了不让“嫉妒”产生更多的负能量,我们首先要让自己开心起来。我们可以先想办法把自己的注意力引开,去关注一些自己感兴趣能给自己带来欢乐的东西,比如去看一些喜剧片、或者到“知乎”上看看大家对于“嫉妒”的讨论,寻求一下心理平衡。你也可以找好朋友聊聊天。不过要找到一个能聊这些的好朋友也不容易,至少需要三个条件:1、你足够信赖他,愿意把自己的这些心思告诉他;2、他愿意倾听你诉说自己不开心的事;3、他能够真正地理解你。当你有这样的好朋友时,真的要好好珍惜。

 

最后,也是最关键的,是要找到“治本”的方法,逐渐去掉“嫉妒”的习惯。要想“治本”,就要从嫉妒的根源入手。具体来说,有以下措施:

 

1.不要和别人比较,和自己比较。

这一点说起来容易,做起来难。我们和别人比较的习惯,大多是从小养成的。在我们小时候,常常会听到父母提到“隔壁家的谁谁谁”,这个“隔壁家的谁谁谁”成了激励我们前进的动力,但也让我们养成了喜欢和别人比较的习惯。

其实,更正确的激励我们前进的方式不是和别人比较,而是和自己比较。如果今天的自己比昨天的自己进步了,明天的我又比今天的我好了,我们就应该感到快乐,因为我们正在向着自我实现的路上不断前进。

 

2.让自己拥有恰当的自信

自信是一种宝贵的品质,是拥有健全完善的人格心理的表现。其实无需给它加上修饰词“恰当”,自信本身就是种恰到好处的表现。如果自我感觉过分地好,是自负;当对自己严重缺乏信心,则是自卑。只有当我们拥有恰当的自信时,才既不妄自尊大,也不妄自菲薄,对人也才能不卑不亢。如果太自负,会爱炫耀,总是看不惯别人。如果太自卑,会懦弱胆小,并且容易嫉妒。要想消除嫉妒,就要学会自信。

 

3.学会感恩

人有时候就是很奇怪。当我们嫉妒时,我们不在自己的所有中寻求快乐,却在别人的所有中寻求痛苦。而且,当你嫉妒的对象还是一个喜欢炫耀的人时,你因嫉妒而产生的痛苦感可能更强烈。那么,我们又何必庸人自扰呢?想想我们自己拥有的吧。当然,你不用去找你拥有而他没有的。你就关注于自己所拥有的并且让你自己感到幸福的元素(我相信一定会有的),然后真诚地感激和珍惜这些你所拥有的,你就会感到很幸福,然后自嘲地笑笑“我以前怎么那么傻”。

 

4.对别人发生兴趣以及互助合作

这是Alfred Adler在他的著作《自卑与超越》中提到的核心观点。很多品质都是相互关联,有因果关系的。要做到对别人发生兴趣以及互助合作,首先需要我们改掉和别人比较的习惯。如果你喜欢和别人比较,当你看到别人比你优秀时,你会嫉妒;当你看到别人不如你时,你会骄傲。这样你就很难真正地对别人感兴趣。如果你能做到不和别人比较,用心地去学会对别人感兴趣,你就能真地和别人互助合作。当你学会了真正地欣赏别人,你就能有更多的朋友,也就能获得真正的快乐。

 

每个人的性格特点心理特征都是从小受家庭学校社会的影响长期形成的。那么,当我们现在想要去修正我们的某种习惯时,也不可能一蹴而就。以上我提到的方法,不可能立竿见影,都需要我们真的用心地在每天的生活中践行,从而摆脱掉嫉妒,让自己更乐观豁达。我想,这也是我们人生的一种修炼吧。

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