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(转)和你的痛感共处 -给力心理
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(转)和你的痛感共处

(转)和你的痛感共处
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发表时间:2015-12-23 11:32:40 390 0 0

和痛感共处,听起来是多么地不符合现代潮流,来找我的人都是希望我能帮他们摆脱或减轻痛苦。可是痛感尽管令人不悦,却是我们的感觉系统接收到的信息,如果我们愿意正视这些信息,把面对痛感作为一个成长的契机,很多时候可以使我们的生命进入另一个阶段。

电影《绝命海拔》里有这样一段情节,在挑战珠峰前,登山者们看到了不少先前冒险者的遗体,在营地里就开始谈起为什么要去干这吃力不讨好的事情——登山影响夫妻关系;要花上很大一笔钱;极有可能送命等等。登山者贝克是一名美国医生,家境殷实,尽管结婚多年,夫妻俩仍会庆祝结婚纪念日。这对夫妇还育有一子一女。套句流行的俗话:贝克是人生的大赢家。尽管路途中目睹了登山者的惨状,他感到很不安,但仍然不改变上山的想法。他对同行的伙伴说:“当我在家的时候,我感到一股沉重的阴郁,可一旦到了山上就感到无比轻松。”我们都知道海拔越高,空气越稀薄,呼吸越困难,平地里的一磅到了山上就像是十磅,贝克的这份轻松不在身体,而在心里。

贝克很有代表性,在许多登山冒险者心里,那是生命的渴望。在这份渴望面前,世俗的陈规与生活方式,都不值一提,他不去做这样的事,压抑的是生命力,虽然活着,这种活法却是受限的,是别扭的。引领他找到自己渴望的,正是他那种看似完满生活里的痛感,那份沉重的阴郁。 

在问答板块里,经常会看到像这样的表述:我不喜欢现在的工作,干什么都没有感觉,我怎样才能找到喜欢的工作?

在我看来,真正的问题不在于找到一份什么样的工作,而在于干什么都没有感觉。一个人的意识就像被套上一层厚厚的外壳,与外界绝缘,与自己的感觉系统绝缘,这样无法触及内心真正的渴望。提问的人处于焦虑之中,这其实是幸运的。焦虑就是一种痛感,人还有感觉,在厚厚的外壳上,有这么一道狭窄的裂缝,它为通向内心留出了一条通道。可惜的是,这个时代大部分人遇到的时候,往往希望借着较容易实施的方式,企图消除或减轻这种痛感。提问的人以为外在真的有这样一份工作,让他喜欢,让他获得生命的激情。如果他不能持续地保持对生命的觉察,这样的做法注定失败,因为无法满足内心真正的需要。还有很多时候,人们借助的简易方式常常又是危险的,比如暴饮暴食、购物、网络、游戏等,这些方式现在几乎是随处可得,相比之下,一步一个脚印踏实向前显得既单调又无聊(影片中向导对登山者的劝告是:别老盯着顶峰,一步一步向前走)。简易的方式却给自己的人生带来更多的痛苦,各种成瘾泛滥,成瘾又导致更低的自我评价,进一步降低自尊。

除了工作,还有许多在我看来是同类的问题:比如和张三结婚还是和李四结婚、无法离开不断导致伤害的关系等等。其实,无论是张三还是李四,都无法一直满足不断比较,不停衍生的欲望,无法填补内心的空洞和自卑;无论哪份工作,都无法一直保持生命的激情;无论用什么方式把那人留在身边,都无法消弭那份孤独感…… 

在电影结尾,在风雪中昏迷了一夜的贝克,突然看到了妻子和子女,听到了他们的呼唤,竟然“死而复生”,自己走回了营地。接近死亡,让他看到了内心的牵挂。阴郁让他去登山,登山让他接近死亡,死亡让他回归家庭,痛感又一次给他带来信息。

痛感总是会提醒我们:你的某个地方需要调整。失去痛感,我们的生命就会停滞不前。

如果你不知道如何解读那个信息,就先待在痛苦里,听听它的声音,把它视为认识自己的机会。如果你选择了某种满足方式,不妨像贝克一样,登山时仍保持你的觉察,痛感会引领你前行,走向内心。 

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本文作者

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公益助人

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长程个案

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续单率

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咨询时
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原创文章
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/" class="a_home">作者主页
语音通话

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