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李月亮婚姻感悟:短板太短的男人,再好也不嫁-给力心理
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李月亮婚姻感悟:短板太短的男人,再好也不嫁

李月亮婚姻感悟:短板太短的男人,再好也不嫁
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发表时间:2015-07-23 10:05:54 295 0 0

《读者》杂志签约作家李月亮的一篇婚姻感悟文章:短板太短的男人,再好也不嫁

这个时代物质极大丰富,人也极大丰富,正常的话,每个适婚者都会面对一票人选,所以“找对象”这个词就没有“择偶”准确了——对于生命里的另一半,人们更大的难题不再是寻找,而是选择。

 

偏偏这又是个选择恐惧症泛滥的时代,姑娘们连选件衣服都能纠结得心碎,何况是终身伴侣。若说物质上的选择恐惧症,根源在于穷的话,那么伴侣选择恐惧症,大概就要归因于自身条件不过硬——要是你样样都好,自然能遇到在银行下象棋的奥特曼,直接敲定就是,何必纠结。但问题是,这个世界,一百分的女人有几个?当然零分的也没几个,绝大部分都是徘徊在五六十分七八十分,面对着差不多分数的男人,犹豫着要鱼还是熊掌。

 

有些选择是十分困难的:要好看的穷鬼还是丑陋的富翁?要自私的才子还是慷慨的笨蛋?要幽默浪漫的花花公子还是本分守己的实木树桩?

 

我们选择一个人,首先肯定是看中他的优点。每个人在意的东西不一样,外貌协会的选择好看的,文艺女青年选择浪漫的,缺乏安全感的选择德行好的,都无可厚非。关键是你站在七十分的队伍里,只能选择七十分左右的男人,他势必不完美,你要他这一个优点,必然得接受那一个缺点,那么你愿意他在哪方面减掉三十分?——选择恐惧症其实就恐惧在这里。

 

我想用那个木桶理论分析这个难题:如果男人有十种主要特质的话,比如外貌,财富,能力,性格,品行等等,那么这十种特质就是组成一个木桶的十块木板,最长的一块决定了他能多大程度吸引你,而最短的一块决定了他能给你盛装多少幸福。所以你在选择那块长板时,必须留意他最短的短板在哪里,有多短。长板可以不长,但短板绝对不能太短,否则他的桶里装不下多少幸福。在非要扣掉三十分的前提下,最好是平均在每个板子上扣掉三分,让这个桶实现容量的最大值,而不是其他都好,只有一块太短,最后什么都装不下。

 

听过太多这样的故事:

 

他什么都好,就是太小气,我买一条毛巾他都生气,去看望父母多买几个苹果都要吵架,我几年都不敢添衣服,家里存款逐年增加,日子却过得跟五保户似的,真不知道攒那些钱有什么用;

 

他什么都好,就是脾气太暴,常常为一件芝麻大的事就勃然大怒,隔三差五对我大打出手,打过之后自己也后悔,但过不了几天还是暴怒会动手……

 

这样的人,他再帅,再有钱,再专一,再幽默,又有什么用?他的短板实在太短,把所有长板的优势都泄掉了。

 

他可以小气,但不能严重影响生活质量,他可以有脾气,但绝对不能动辄动手,这是底线,在这之上,起码桶还是一个桶,还可以装进必需的东西。

 

如果他的每块板子都是六分,那么他总分六十分,也许和你的要求还有差距,但你起码可以得到一个平淡的圆满。

 

如果他九块板子都是十分,剩下那一块零分,那么这个九十分的华丽丽的男人,必会带给你华丽丽的痛苦。

 

选择伴侣不是青歌赛,要去掉一个最高分去掉一个最低分,正相反,你应该重点看的正是最高分和最低分,在被最高分吸引之后,必须尽早看清他的最低分,在那块最短的板子尚可接受的前提下,才可以考虑长久的发展。

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本文作者

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长程个案

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