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是学生在攀比,还是父母在攀比?-给力心理
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是学生在攀比,还是父母在攀比?

是学生在攀比,还是父母在攀比?
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发表时间:2015-07-21 10:42:02 328 0 0

 

      武汉的卢女士介绍,上三年级的女儿其实成绩挺不错,去参加家长会原本没啥压力,但如今的孩子们啥都爱攀比,给家长带来无形的心理负担。“之前我开家长会都很随意,但女儿回来会告诉我,每开一次家长会,同学中间就会在私下议论谁的妈妈年轻、谁的妈妈漂亮。”卢女士感慨,当女儿在自己面前说起某某同学的妈妈多时尚多靓丽时,眼睛写满了羡慕。“最伤人的是,女儿说同学间流传着一个‘辣妈排行榜’,我只能排中游水平……听她说这话,我简直气不打一处来。”(武汉晚报6月16日)

 

     耐人寻味的是,“气不大一处来”的卢女士,并没有教育孩子不能有这种不良的帮比心理,而是在每次开家长会之前上街去买套新衣服,以“不给孩子丢脸”,另外,据报道,卢女士还称,有同事告诉她,有小学生还禁止自己的矮个子妈妈参加家长会,也许在卢女士看来,自己与矮个子妈妈相比,体面多了,由此得到一丝安慰。

 

     人们感叹,现在的小孩怎么连妈妈漂不漂亮都攀比,这让外形不靓丽的妈妈情何以堪。而其实,孩子的这种攀比心理都是给惯出来的,为何小学生就会炫富、比拼谁家的车好,谁的爸爸官大,谁的妈妈时尚,这些都是成人世界在他们身上的投射。

 

     可能很多家长对于孩子的攀比,深感“惭愧”,觉得自己没有为孩子争光,而另外一些家长,则骄傲自己能让孩子扬眉吐气。这那是学生在攀比,而分明是年轻的父母们在攀比——不是吗?如果家长不攀比,用得着每次开家长会都去买一套衣服吗?穿着得体即可。还有,一个希望孩子有健全人格,健康价值观的家长,应防微杜渐,关注孩子任何偏离健康价值观的言行举止,通过个体和群体的共同努力,来消除孩子的不良攀比心理,引导他们意识到所有母亲都是最美。孩子以穿着、长相来评价自己的母亲,还不仅是攀比问题,是对亲情的扭曲,不是尊重、发自内心的爱父母,而开始嫌弃父母。

 

     对于每个父母个体,面对孩子的攀比,首先不应是感到压力很大——自己确实不辣,确实没购豪车,与其他父母比,低人一等,这就把孩子的攀比心理问题,变成了父母的问题了。父母忘记了对孩子进行教育引导,而是“反思“自己的不足。在这个时候,家长更应该做的是告诉孩子,父母的财富,家庭的条件,这些都与自己没有多大关系,每个优秀的学生,要通过自己的勤奋、努力,来获得别人的尊重,一个人的长相,不论是父母的,还是自己的,都是先天遗传的,这不是值得骄傲的,炫耀家庭的财富,或者以外形的美丑识人,都是不对的。

 

     懂得给孩子健康价值观教育的家长,应该在生活中警惕在学生面前不恰当的赞美,比如,赞美某个学生长得漂亮,赞美某部豪车很拉风,孩子在这类赞美中,就会不知不觉形成攀比外貌、家庭财富的意识。父母们应关注孩子后天的努力与进步,对学生的勤奋、自觉、节俭点赞,在这样的家庭教育环境中,学生会关注自己是否努力,取得进步,而不是把心思用在比吃比穿比父母上。而且,会鄙视那些比吃比穿比父母的学生。

 

     另外,所有家长们,也不能在暗中较劲,为了满足孩子与自己的攀比心理,把家长会变成一个拼妈的场合。这是家长会功能的异化。针对学生的攀比问题,所有家长应该对此高度重视,共同商议怎样给孩子健康家长观的教育,校正自己身上存在的给孩子不良引导的问题,比如,针对有孩子嫌弃妈妈矮,禁止其开家长会,所有妈妈,可以以不穿高跟鞋,来支持这位妈妈,针对孩子回家议论其他同学妈妈的行为,父母要告诉孩子,你希望你妈妈被别人这样议论吗,来教育他不要背后议论他人,尤其是点评长相之类。而学校也要在教学中,关注孩子的心理,采取有针对性的教育。

 

有什么样的父母,就有什么样的孩子。消除孩子的攀比心理,要从消除父母的攀比心理开始。

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