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家长需改变婚恋观 逼婚不是方法 -给力心理
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家长需改变婚恋观 逼婚不是方法

家长需改变婚恋观 逼婚不是方法
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发表时间:2015-07-21 12:58:03 234 0 0

 

 

结婚与否看似个人的事,有时却是一个家庭的事情。

2015年7月14日在腾讯新闻看到一新闻:《快餐店老板30岁仍单身 遭父母堵门砸店“逼婚”》。

这则新闻讲述的一快餐店老板李某今年30岁,平时忙于工作,一直没有遇到合适的对象。让李某感到意外的是父母为了“逼婚”,从周至家里跑到咸阳,并在李某经营的快餐店里撵走顾客,阻止其营业。李某无奈,索性贴出“家长逼婚,暂停营业”的告示以示“抗议”。但李某的父亲看见门上贴着“家长逼婚”的告示很生气,拿凳子把收银台上的电脑砸了。

李某称,顾客就餐时遭到父母阻拦,他得给顾客一个说法,无奈之下才贴出“家长逼婚”的告示。对于没有对象,李某说:“男人要有责任感,没遇到合适的,稀里糊涂结婚对谁都不好。”

“父母的做法有点偏激。”李某的表叔杨师傅称,李某是家里老大,还有弟弟、妹妹两人。在农村有个习俗,老大没有结婚,老二就不能结,李某的父母很着急,曾多次向自己诉苦。他也曾劝说过,但两人思想比较传统,一心希望孩子尽快成家。9日那天,得知李某的父母要到咸阳砸店时,他劝阻了但没有拦住。

这是一起典型的“逼婚”案例。父母逼婚,儿子反抗。

“逼婚”二字从字面解释,逼是强迫、威胁。婚是男女结为夫妻。“逼婚”就是强迫男或女结婚。

但是,随着时代发展,年轻人的婚恋意识提高,那种“为婚而婚”的人在逐渐减少,不少人有宁缺毋滥的态度。然而,这样的婚恋观又与上一辈的婚恋观发生了冲突。

结婚与不结婚,什么时候结婚应该都是自个儿说了算。遇到心仪的男孩女孩,缘分到了自然就结婚了。但是,婚姻往往又会掺杂一些其他的因素,如家庭、地方风俗等等。当两者不能有利地协调时,矛盾和冲突就发生了。比如, 上述案例中,李某的父母认为儿子不结婚就影响了老二、老三,这样就影响了整个家庭子女的婚姻。

中国是一个受传统文化影响比较深的国家,孩子是父母一生的寄托。孩子的婚姻大事关系到父母的颜面。作为父母对于孩子的责任是从生下来开始,养到成人,然后孩子结婚,这就意味着家长的责任基本完成了。当然,在一些地方,传宗接代也是最重要的,因为有那句“不孝有三,无后为大”的格言为证。也就是说,不娶妻生子,断绝后代,这是最大的不孝。

但子女在面对“逼婚”的情况,往往是能躲就躲,不能躲的就想尽办法忽悠父母。媒体也报道了不少有关这方面的事情,比如,租个女友回家过年,租个男友回家过年。这还算理性的,更有甚者顶不住逼婚的压力,选择了自杀。

遭遇逼婚的人,其年龄基本上属于大龄青年。在他们的背后或多或少存在着一些情感纠葛。有些可能是看着自己父母婚姻的不幸,对那种凑合一辈子的不认同,对于婚姻产生恐惧;有些可能是看着离婚率居高不下,对婚姻没有信心,担心保不准哪天结婚后又离婚了。

再说,在一个物欲横流的时代,婚姻更多地遭遇了物质绑架。婚姻在不觉间被房子、车子、票子绑架着。甚至出现了找老公新标准“有车有房没贷款,父母双亡没负担,”这也让一些男人却步。为了自己的婚姻,搭进一切,这样高成本的婚姻是否能带来幸福?与其这样,一个人过也挺好的!这也造成了有些男人不婚的现象。

子女不婚,家长着急。这其实是“皇帝不急太监急”。父母为逼孩子结婚,找亲戚朋友,或者上公园婚恋角、上相亲网为孩子征婚,但这样的方式收效甚微。毕竟感情是两个人的事情,俗称对上眼了,被动相亲本身就带有排他性。

父母也应该不断学习,来适应这个快速发展的社会环境。对于孩子的婚恋观要尊重,毕竟,孩子选择什么样的人是要跟她或他过一辈子的。如果没有遇到合适的人,单身未必不是好事。总比找个不适合自己的人在一起后,争吵、打架,最后离婚强。父母可以在子女的婚恋中提建议,但别做主。

幸福的婚姻不是一个男人与一个女人结婚了,从此就过上了王子与公主般幸福的生活。婚姻的内容大于形式。在婚姻的内容里,需要男女双方彼此携手、风雨与共、彼此包容、彼此担当、彼此尊重、彼此信任、共同成长、用心经营,只有这样,才能最终找到心灵的伴侣、灵魂的伴侣!

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