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哪些情况下结婚不能操之过急 -给力心理
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哪些情况下结婚不能操之过急

哪些情况下结婚不能操之过急
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发表时间:2015-07-21 11:26:53 283 0 0

 

    有个叫静的女孩,和一个叫明的男孩相爱了。静,今年20岁。明,今年22岁。两个人谈了七八个月,明的父母很认可静,就开始催婚。第一次催婚,静就吓了一大跳。

 

    她告诉我说,当时她的头嗡地一声,像爬了一脑袋的蚂蚱。她说,她心里根本没有结婚这两个字,还不知道如何做一个好妻子,很怕结婚。可明的父母一催再催,静就有些惊慌失措,非常纠结。就冒冒失失跑来,问我该怎么办。

 

    我告诉她说,婚姻是一辈子的大事,和谈恋爱有着本质的不同。恋爱可以说谈就谈,说不谈就拜拜。但婚姻不能说结就结,说分就分。如果你还没有准备好,还没有弄清楚婚姻的真正含义,那就最好先不要结婚。否则,结了婚就会发昏。

 

    世上有很多事可以将就,唯独婚姻不可将就。婚姻不只是举行一个仪式,交换一下戒指,说一句“我爱你”就万事大吉,她需要男人和女人非常用心地经营。在西方人的眼里,婚姻是神圣的,是不可亵渎的,要对着神灵发誓。婚前可以任性,婚后就不允许乱性。在中国世世代代的传承中,男人和女人一旦结婚,要拜天拜地,上拜父母,下拜亲朋。这一拜,其实也就是一种盟誓,男人要尽到人夫的担当,女人要尽到人妻的责任。

 

    草率的婚姻,往往是糊涂的婚姻,男人和女人都有可能,为此付出伤痕累累的代价,或许是几年,也或许是一辈子。与其结了婚就发昏,不如等彻底准备好了,再谈婚论嫁。以下的几种情况,最好不要盲目结婚。

 

    一、年龄太小。比如前面说的静和明,两个人实际上还没完全长大。一个大男孩,和一个大女孩,正是对爱情和婚姻懵懵懂懂的年龄,生活才刚刚开始,男人还没有学会担当,女人还没有学会付出。来自生活各方面的压力,他们未必能扛得住。突然被拉进婚姻的大门,就避免不了婚后,男人还做他的公子哥,不知道宽容;女人还做她的娇公主,不知道忍让。如果一年半载,再有个小宝宝,那就三个孩子一个家,岂不要乱成一团?

 

    二、还没玩够。没玩够,其实就是没有准备好。无论是男人还是女人,如果你还迷恋着单身生活的惬意,还喜欢到处游山玩水,喜欢和异性玩着各种各样的暧昧,喜欢一个人吃饱全家不饿,最好把婚事先放一放。你没玩够,就会对婚姻不静心,不精心,不尽心。对男人女人来说,一旦成婚,就意味着在某种程度上要失去自由,就不能还像没结婚一样,自由自在,想怎么任性,就怎么任性。

 

    三、性格不合,价值观有差异。性格不合,就会你看不上我,我看不上你,你打你的狗,我撵我的鸡,导致婚后吵架不断,纠缠不断,男人因此会伤透了神,女人会因此伤透了心。如果做人做事的态度迥异,没有共同的兴趣爱好,没有步调一致的人生方向,夫妻之间就不会有太多的共同语言,就难免误会和摩擦,矛盾和嫌隙不断,甚至互相拆台,互相拖后腿。这样的婚姻等同于泥潭,男人女人都会活得很疲惫。

 

    四、因孝而结。有些男女为了让父母高兴,在他们的一再催逼下,不得不被结婚。在农村,还有一种“冲喜”的说法。如果父母年纪大了,或者身体很不好,就希望子女早点成婚,男人和女人在父母的坚持和授意下,稀里糊涂地就拜了堂。其实要我说,这是一种地地道道的愚孝。如果结婚对象不是你喜欢的,或者不是你理想中的伴侣,婚后生活肯定不会默契和谐,只会让父母跟着更揪心。由于这种婚姻并非出自本意,强扭的瓜就不一定会甜。

 

    五、怕被剩下。这种情况,女人一般要比男人多。男人即便三十五岁之前没结婚,只要他足够优秀,总会找到称心如意的伴侣。而女人就不同,一旦过了二十六岁,父母逼,亲朋好友逼,逼着逼着就会心神大乱,就着急把自己赶紧嫁出去。如果过了二十七八岁,还没有嫁出去,身边的冷嘲热讽就会风起云涌,怀疑你这个人是不是有问题。因此就急火攻心,很多人玩起了闪恋闪婚。由于缺少爱的铺垫,没有深厚的感情来维系,婚姻潜藏的风险就不是一般的大。

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