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【夫妻篇】婚姻是种感受,拿证并不能证明婚姻的幸福-给力心理
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【夫妻篇】婚姻是种感受,拿证并不能证明婚姻的幸福

【夫妻篇】婚姻是种感受,拿证并不能证明婚姻的幸福
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发表时间:2015-06-24 15:15:41 246 0 0

幸福的婚姻是相似的,不幸的婚姻各有各的不幸。在面对婚姻时,或者说婚姻出现问题时,无外乎就那么几种,感情基础差,婚姻生活太过现实应该是主因。也许是时下这个时代的节奏太快,正如网上流行的一句话,来不及思考,人们已经行动;来不及相爱,人们已经上床。

 

但上床容易,下床不易!下床是需要付出代价的。有这样一对夫妻,结婚近十年,婚后感情一直不好,原本想凑合过一辈子,但男人不愿意再凑合,最后以离婚收场。

 

故事:
女人是外地的,来京近十年,一心要嫁本地男,但天不遂人意,到了三十出头还没碰到一个合适的本地男。好在女人坚持、执着,在三十四岁那年在亲戚的介绍下找到了一位本地离异带孩子的男人。
 

 

其实,最初女人对男人的条件也是不满意的,但一想自己嫁给这个离异男不但户口可以入京,同时也解决了住房问题也就同意了。但在女人与男人相处的过程中,男人发现这个女人并不是自己想找的类型,于是迟迟不愿意结婚,就在这时,女人怀孕了,她想用这个孩子套住男人,要男人跟自己结婚,男人禁不住女人的纠缠结婚了,但在结婚的当晚,就发生了战争,女人挨了一顿打。后来的日子基本上也是吵闹、打骂不断。

 

 

尽管是这样的日子,但女人还是愿意跟这个男人过下去,她希望把孩子养大,让孩子有个完整的家。但这点也未能如愿。男人对女人早有了防范,房子早已落在与前妻所生的孩子名下,同时,对于她的户口也迟迟不给办理。

 

 

最有讽刺意味的是,女人与这个过了近十年的男人最终还是离了,而且独自带着孩子租房过日子,想当初要的户口,没了,一切都成了泡影。女人感到十分痛苦,认为自己太过失败,什么都没有得到,说男人不是好东西。

 

到此,个人认为,这个女人的苦,是自己找的,因为她的“任性”,最后导致她身边的几个人的不幸。

 

 

1
 
彼此没有感情基础,就冲动结婚。
 
婚姻一定是以感情为基础的,没有感情基础的婚姻,即便结婚了,也会夭折的,只是时间问题,那张结婚证不能证明婚姻的幸福,顶多能证明你与某人结婚了,或者证明自己的一段婚史。

 

2
 
奉子成婚。
 
当女人怀上孩子,以为拿孩子可以拴住婚姻,或者说拴住男人,这都是缺乏智慧的。没有爱的婚姻的结合,实则是在犯傻。既是对自己的犯傻,也是对男人的不公平,更是对孩子的伤害。试想,自己明知不爱这个人,还要与其结婚,然后继续耗着,这不是浪费自己的时间吗?这是既费马达又费电的事情。自己本来就痛苦了,还要拉上两个人,其中之一便是这个男人。本来不想结婚的,因为你,要死要活要他跟你结婚,同时还要拿孩子说事,因此,他无法阻止你不生孩子,便以结婚这个最为方便的方式解决问题。但是,孩子是你要生下来的,愿不愿付出情感是他的事情,也可能因为这个孩子的到来,反而加速了你们婚姻的灭亡,所以,男人不愿意的事情你违背了,所以,带给他的也是同样的痛苦。然而,最为不公平的是彼此生的孩子。他没有选择出生的权利,你把他生了下来,从他出生那一刻起,就没得到完整的父爱母爱,当他在成长过程中,看着你们彼此相互伤害时,带给他的伤痛同样是巨大的,也许会影响到他以后的人生。

 

3
 
选择婚姻的动机不纯。
 
明知道这个男人不适合自己,自己也有不满,但为了所谓的户口、房子嫁了。要知道,房子还不知道究竟在谁的名下,或者说是谁的,就去贪恋,这等于是水中捞月、镜中看花。太过现实的想法,必然会被现实所伤,最后成了鸡飞蛋打一场空。

 

 

要知道,婚姻的核心是彼此相亲相爱,以爱为基础。婚姻不是买卖,如果是买卖,就成了无情的金钱交易。建立在交易上的婚姻是冰冷的,也是残酷的,更谈不上所谓的幸福了。

 

没有感情基础的婚姻,在婚后的生活中要想培养感情非常困难。那种《结了婚,再相爱》是故事中的故事,现实生活中难得一遇。没有感情基础的婚姻,在婚后生活中更容易忽略对方,冷落对方,时间一长,彼此的不满就容易加剧。当彼此把这种不满情绪通过生活中的大小事情表达出来的时候,彼此的战争就不可避免地发生了,有一方甚至准备逃离了。

 

不幸福的婚姻对彼此都是一种伤害。明知道一开始就是不幸的还依然坚持选择,这就是明知山有虎,偏向虎山行。这样的选择,最终不就是被虎吃掉吗?

 

婚姻的本质是:彼此有相同的价值观,共同的爱好,相互的欣赏品味,感情与对方永远放在第一位,而不是以某种手段为契机,某种自我需求为主导。只有这样的感情才能够经受住时间的考验,苦难的考验。婚姻中,爱不是索取,而是付出。但一定要付出的同时,应该选择一个值得付出的人。不然,婚姻必然遭到不幸。
 

 

 

有人会说,婚姻不就是男女结合,同过日子吗?我想说,婚姻是男女结婚,但还得看日子怎么过法。有幸福的过,欢乐的过,夫妻同心黄土变金;有争吵打闹的过,日子越过越差,彼此成仇人……最后成上面例子的结局。

 

所以,一个人在选择婚姻的时候,但凡还有疑惑,就不要凑合着结婚,不要被所谓的条件成为决定性因素,更不要奉子成婚。说这话的时候,也许有人要反击,说有些一开始相爱结婚了也幸福,后来也离婚了。但我想说,至少人家体验过真正相爱的幸福,即便婚姻失败了,至少不会成仇人似地分开。如果这样的婚姻也是以失败告终,那只能说婚姻中的一方跟不上对方的脚步。婚姻也是一门学问,需要不断学习和用心经营,一方跟不上对方的脚步,婚姻必然出问题的。

 

婚姻就像一个笼子,装了男人女人。婚姻是一个家的方向,如果某一方的方向选择错了,再怎么努力想拯救婚姻都是于事无补的。婚姻不是物件,缺一个就可以补上去。婚姻是一种感受,是男女在一起的舒服度,所以外界的人无法感受婚姻里面人的生活,婚姻如鞋子,这是再恰当不过的比喻了。
 

 

所以,当女人要当智慧的女人!不要当傻女人!不要以为给了你婚姻的男人就能保证你的幸福。那张结婚证不能代表幸福。不幸福的婚姻,从拿到那张结婚证开始,也许正是在证明不幸的开始!

 

 

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