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谁的需要,谁的责任(黄维仁)-给力心理
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谁的需要,谁的责任(黄维仁)

谁的需要,谁的责任(黄维仁)
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https://yun.geilixinli.com/@!size60" onerror="this.src='/public/statics/images/default.jpg'"/>

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发表时间:2015-06-03 10:03:12 467 0 0

  有一位妻子,非常爱家庭,而且她希望丈夫也能够参与孩子的活动。她一天到晚跟她的丈夫讲说:“周末我们全家到外面郊游,好吗?”但她的丈夫的事业心很重,下班了以后,什么地方都不想去,就想休息和看电视。这位妻子心中恨得痒痒的,就说:“你不爱我,不爱孩子,也不爱家!”她越想越气。

这个冲突和她搞不清楚这到底是谁的需要有关。

  直到有一天这位妻子忽然有个新的领悟,她发现了她丈夫的需要是在家休息,轻松地看电视。而想要让丈夫多参与一点家庭活动其实是她的期望,是她的目标,是她自己的需要。过去用骂的方式,骂了半天,结果不但大家搞得很不愉快,而且对事情一点帮助都没有。英文说:“Whatever works,keep doing it;whatever do not work,do something different”。意思就是说,你过去试着有用的方法,可以继续用下去。但是试了几百遍还没有用的方法,就要换一换了。

  这位妻子终于发现,在丈夫不觉得有这个需要,还不愿按她的方式去做之前,对她而言,比较聪明的做法应该是“接受现实,反败为胜”,另外投资精力,想办法诱导丈夫来满足她的需求。当妻子把这个重要的观念搞清楚,知道自己的幸福、快乐,与需求的满足是自己的责任时,她就开始改变,不再骂先生,而是学习用智慧的方式,帮助先生成功地满足妻子的需求。

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本文作者

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长程个案

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续单率

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