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婚姻情感:夫妻吵架,忌把离婚挂嘴边-给力心理
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婚姻情感:夫妻吵架,忌把离婚挂嘴边

婚姻情感:夫妻吵架,忌把离婚挂嘴边
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发表时间:2015-06-03 10:01:58 229 0 0

   相对于恋爱时的浪漫、轻松,婚姻面对着更多的责任、义务和一大堆需要解决的问题,于是争吵也成为婚姻中不可避免的事情。吵架伤感情,更伤人心的是在吵架的时候说一些很伤人的话或做一些让人难以下台的事情,比如反复提离婚、离家出走、“ 翻旧账”……于是有些夫妻吵着吵着,心寒了,或冲动下就真的离婚了。婚姻情感咨询提醒:婚姻中有矛盾、有问题都是有方法解决的,夫妻要避免用吵架的方式来应对,更忌把离婚挂在嘴边。

虽然我们都知道吵架是不好的,但因为一些原因,比如,一方的性格、婚姻的阶段、特殊的事情等,双方在日常生活中,通过正常沟通难以解决问题时,吵架往往可以成为了解对方真实想法的一个途径。但在这个过程中,我们也需要有所克制,事后也要采取一定的方式去修复两个人的关系,这样才能避免吵架对夫妻关系带来冲突。不同婚姻阶段,夫妻吵架的原因可能不同。刚结婚不久的夫妻,需要接受对方及其家庭不同的生活方式、行为模式等,肯定会有摩擦;有了孩子后,如何教育和培养,双方会产生分歧;人到中年时,唠叨、家庭琐事等都能成为导火线。尽管吵架时夫妻非常冲动,口无遮拦,但以下几点必须避免:

一忌离家出走。“甩门而出”是很多人吵完架的'招牌'动作,尤其是结婚不久的新人们。女的回娘家,男的出去喝酒等“出走”行为,不仅不利于问题解决,还容易让人对婚姻感到没有安全感,甚至容易把岳父母、公婆牵涉进来,导致矛盾更加复杂。

二忌老说“离婚”。 面对问题、争吵,很多夫妻之间都会用“分手”、“离婚”来威胁对方,以此让对方服软。但这种方式不仅会伤害彼此的感情,还会在无意中慢慢种下一个种子,让双方都在心理上进入一个“准离婚”状态,觉得“婚姻不幸福,只能离婚” ,一旦一个更大的刺激出现,最终成为离婚的导火索,觉得“谁离开谁都能活,干脆离了算了!”“反正婚姻不幸福,你又要离婚的,心都没有在这个家,离就离吧”。

三忌揭伤疤。吵架的人总爱揭短。如“你这人一点本事都没有”、“当初要不是我娘家出钱买房子”等话,还是应该少说。揭伤疤是非常伤害夫妻感情的事。值得一提的是,不少人还易迁怒对方父母及家人,连着他们一起骂,这很可能'火上浇油',引起对方不满,越吵越凶。

四忌翻旧账。有些人吵架时,总是喜欢提之前的事情,恨不得把所有的问题都吵个遍,“你上次怎样怎样”常挂在嘴边,这极易把“芝麻”吵成“西瓜”,小事吵成大事,最后难以收场。

五忌吵架后冷战。吵架一般是两败俱伤的结局,争吵后很多人感到更加委屈和气难消,总是等着对方来主动认错,不肯自己先给个台阶下。刚开始还是一个人哄另一个人,慢慢烦了,觉得“凭什么每次都是我认错,你为什么不认错”,就容易导致冷战。不管吵架时双方说话有多难听,吵得有多凶,过后一定要再沟通,真正化解双方心里的疙瘩。吵完之后,开个玩笑、送个小礼物、邀请对方看场电影等都是化解之道。

很多时候吵架并不能真正的解决两个人之间的矛盾和冲突。如果想更加完美地维护自己的婚姻、更加理性地处理婚恋过程中的矛盾,需要注意以下几点:

第一、冷静下来,审视问题的根本。“离婚”之类的话大多是气急时脱口而出的,这时首先应该冷静。事后一定要及时反思两个人的相处,多与对方沟通,针对两个人之间的关系本身,发现问题的根源,有针对性的解决问题。心理学上讲,如果问题得不到解决,由它激发的情绪将很难平息。很多夫妻多年一直为同样的问题争吵,原因在于他们一直没有搞清楚问题真正在哪里,一直没有真正的解决问题。

第二、高角度、换方位思考。很多问题其实没有看似的那么严重,双方应该将自己置放在成年人的位置上,去理解婚姻的本质。面对问题,不要只站在自己的立场去思考,也要学会换位思考,看到对方坚持的原因和背后的苦衷,理解、沟通,方能达成共识。在协商检讨的过程中,发现问题后,立刻想办法解决。必要时,可以听取婚姻情感心理专家的分析和指导,及时处理婚姻中存在的问题,有针对性的解决,并提高解决类似问题的能力。

第三、该反悔时就反悔。一旦说了“离婚”,伤了对方的心,那么千万不要以为时间可以抚平一切,而是要主动承认错误,告诉他“其实我不想离婚,我很珍惜我们的婚姻”,将负面情绪降到最低。两个生活在一起的人,摩擦在所难免,关键是如何尽快学会相处之道,完善彼此,把握婚姻的本质,学会处理婚姻中存在的问题,采用更智慧的方式让婚姻朝着良好的方向发展。

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