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心理医生给结婚女人的几点忠告-给力心理
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心理医生给结婚女人的几点忠告

心理医生给结婚女人的几点忠告
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发表时间:2015-04-09 10:41:35 191 0 0

 婚姻是每个人一生中的大事,无疑是需要经营的,而一些年轻的女性朋友往往在经营婚姻中因为没有经验处于盲动状态,其结果却事与愿违,本来是为更好的相爱,结果则是完全相反,两个人的心越走越远。

    笔者就一年来所进行的多例婚姻心理咨询案例做了深入的思考和总结,发现婚姻出现问题的咨询者多是女性,且多为40岁以下的年轻女性,咨询的问题也有些相似:明显感觉老公的心已离自己越来越远,苦心经营的婚姻几乎走到了尽头。

    笔者在这里暂不谈面对这种情况年轻的女性该如何面对,我只是想给婚姻经营中的年轻女性提个醒,要防患于未然,从踏上婚姻经地毯始,就要用心经营婚姻,让夫妻关系和谐,让家庭和谐,让孩子幸福。

    下面是笔者给婚姻经营中的年轻女性朋友提出的供参考的几点忠告:

    第一、要坚信对方是自己不离不弃的伴侣。

    一个女人与携手走进婚姻的殿堂始,就要有一个信念,他是你所选择的,选择他没有错。这种信念要一直保持下来,特别是随着时光的推移,你发现了他身上的缺点时,也不要觉得你选的人不对,因为人人身上都有缺点,且记不要放大的缺点,真心地爱他也要爱他身上的缺点,有缺点不等于他不再值得你爱。即使你离开他重新选择一个人,那个人身上也一样有你不喜欢的东西,从深层心理学上讲,其实他的缺点也许是你自己身上缺点的一种投射与放大。

    第二、不要试图改变对方你认为的不良习惯。

    年轻的女性朋友要知道一个道理,男人的习惯往往是他成长十几二十几年中积淀成的,是带有他们原生家庭的一些特点的,不要试图去改变,特别是不要急于让对方按自己的意愿改变,其实自己身上也有许多从小不知不觉在父母那里带来的一些别人也许难以接受的思维方式或生活习惯,这些习惯不是一天两天可以改变,也不是一年两年可以完全改变的,有些习性也许会一生都难以改变,所以,爱他,也爱他的习惯,想改变要带着一颗真爱的心去帮助对方改变,不要一厢情愿,更不要表现出厌恶,男人自尊心都是很强的。

    第三、不要公开或随意指责或批评对方的家人特别是他的妈妈。

    年轻的女性朋友也要想清楚这么一个理儿,你和所爱的男人走进婚姻之前,他一直和他的亲人们一起生活着或亲密地联络着,他和他的父母及兄弟姐妹生活了十几或二十几年,亲情浓浓,彼此也都早已习惯了许多生活或做事的方式,而你和他生活的时间毕竟不够多,你其实没有资格随意地指责或批评他的家人,特别是他的妈妈,要记住,千万别以为你是他的最爱就肆意地在他面前对他十几二十几年来最敬重的妈妈说三道四,一般的男人都是不容许的,即使他口中不表示不高兴哪怕他明显觉得他妈错了,他可以批评,但是你批评是不可以的。偶尔几次也许无大碍,次数多了,男人的心会离你越来越远的,有男人说,女人可以再找,妈妈只有一个。尽管听起来让女人不高兴,但是母爱是伟大的,聪明的女人会和男人一道敬重他的妈妈,会和男人的妈妈携手给男人做事的力量,而不是相反。

    第四、不要拿自己的男人和别的男人比本事大小。

    一般的女性,在婚前,觉得男人千好成好,婚后一旦陷入柴米油盐的现实生活中,随着和别的女人交往增多,再加上现代社会的物欲彭涨,女人与女人之间的话题大多落在车子房子孩子票子及官位上面,不经意中会拿别人家的成就与自家的不足比,越比越觉得不如人,就觉得自己的男人没别人的男人有本事会赚钱,没别人的男人有本事能升迁。事实上男人是没有可比性,每个男人性格特点不一样,做事为人的风格不一样,拿自己的男人和别人的男人相比是很蠢的,会越比越让男人烦,让男人越来越烦显然不是女人的福气。要认识到自己选择了他,他就是最适合你的。任何一个男人,哪怕一般人觉得他没大本事,但是只要有女人的爱,他会尽自己所能给妻子儿女创造他所能创造的幸福的。

    第五、不要养成抱怨与唠叨的习惯。

    女人还要记得一点男人和女人很大的不同是:一般来说,男人的一生是做事业的,事业是他的天,是他的精神支柱;女人是经营感情的,婚姻和感情是她幸福的源泉。所以女人在渴求爱的同事要真正地理解男的艰辛与不易,在一般男人的眼中,家中的琐事是不重要的,而女人觉得是很重要的,女人容易错误地认为男人不做自己认为重要的事就是不爱自己,不重视自己,其实这是一种误解。女人出于误解又常常为了引起男人的重视反得地抱怨与唠叨,男人会觉得急莫明其妙地急躁与心烦。正确的做法是温柔地提醒或在恰当的时机撒个娇让唤起男人的疼与爱,以柔克刚,胜过太多的抱怨唠叨与指责批评。

    第六、不要满足于现有的学识与生活现状。

    和上面那些不满现状的女性相反,一些女性婚后容易沉溺于幸福的爱窠,在生活的琐事中不知不觉丢失了自己,在男人眼中越来越变得平庸与俗气,没有远见也没有卓识,不思进取,变得越来越婆婆妈妈,在男人心中的地位越来越低,男人的心也会日渐远离。

上面几点是笔者最想与年轻女性交流的观点,在婚姻的经营中,要用心去爱,还要学一点心理学知识,明白男人与女生理心理与思维方式的差别,就会变得自信豁达,婚姻和人生会越经营越幸福。

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