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内心强大=不需要婚姻?-给力心理
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内心强大=不需要婚姻?

内心强大=不需要婚姻?
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发表时间:2015-06-23 15:17:03 180 0 0

听到较多这样的理论:强大的人不需要婚姻。

 

先是洪晃的自传里,自言离婚若干次后,“觉得婚姻这玩意没意思极了,从此不打算再结婚。”洪晃是痞女,说话一向泼辣,坦率。

 

接着是台湾知名电视人陈文茜,在接受时尚大刊《COSMO》主编徐巍访谈时说,每次当她谈恋爱时,就极不快乐。陈今年快五十岁了,一直有男朋友。坦言虽然未婚,但和男朋友相处融洽。

 

她说因为没有婚姻的束缚,反倒可以在生命里找到更多支点,做很多感兴趣的事情。

 

我的一个朋友是文艺圈内知名同志,关于长久的恋情,他更极端,认为自己不但不需要异性恋婚姻,连长久的男性伴侣也不打算找。那么找什么呢?只是谈恋爱,有很多的朋友,但不想这个人成为自己的囚笼。

 

这让一些人大跌眼镜,一个人怎么过?在我母亲过来,一个人的日子完全不是日子。我很多单身朋友,总觉得单身悲惨极了。周末很孤独,晚上也很孤独,平时懒得做饭,因为做得最好,也是一个人吃。

 

所以无论好不好,先要找一个人至少来缓解自己的孤独和寂寞感。虽然也有很多不快乐,但是两个人的不快乐,总好过一个人的孤独。

 

真的是内心强大的人不需要婚姻?没有错,生命千差万别。在别人眼中的天堂,在另外一群人眼中可能是地狱。比如婚姻,有的人恨不得付出生命也要得到,是自己生活的全部意义和价值;但有些人却觉得要逃避婚姻,因为它很可能会压抑人的个性。

 

其实,在我看来都没有错,只是看生命的视野不同。

 

那些不需要婚姻的人,确实往往内心强大丰富。在她们看来,有很多事情要做,比如关心公益,环保,要忙自己各种无止尽追求的事业,同时一个人呆着,也挺享受,没有觉得有什么难过之处。

 

她们往往很淡定,我的那位朋友有一句经典的话:把长久的关系看成人生的偶遇,而不是特意追求之。所以,长久的关系在她们看来,只是自己无数支点中的一个,绝对不是全部。

 

相反,大部分人显然没有这样强大的内心,大部分人把婚姻看成人生的全部。觉得没有它,人生就不完整。婚姻无辜承担着他们所有的快乐,成功与否的责任。一旦自己感受不到,便向婚姻索取,抱怨,失望后,便觉得是对方的错误。

 

我个人觉得需不需要婚姻,不是一个人内心强大与否的标志。需要婚姻的人,确实应该向那些虽然单身但依然快乐的人学习这些:比如保持自我,比如不把幸福完全寄托在别人身上,比如即使在婚后,还依然有个人的很多追求等。

 

只有这样做,才能既享受婚姻的甜蜜,同时又保持着内心的强大和淡定,而不致于因为在婚姻中寄望过多,成为常见的怨男怨女。

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