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这么做才会拥有长久稳定的关系-给力心理
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这么做才会拥有长久稳定的关系

这么做才会拥有长久稳定的关系
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发表时间:2015-06-23 12:11:32 202 0 0

1、成熟女性和不成熟的最大区别在于:自我感强,情感的核心需要很明确,知道自己想要的是什么,底线是什么;洞察力强,知道对方想要什么,对方的核心需要是什么;策略能力强,知道如何才能围绕彼此核心需要进行探讨,直至两人能得到双赢的满足;情绪承载能力强,每临大事有静气,不惹事,不怕事,能扛事。

 

 

2、婚姻初期我们有荷尔蒙这笔压箱底的钱,但这笔钱耗完之后就需要理财了,要靠更深层面的情感交流来满足彼此的核心需要,即男人的自尊不靠奉承得到,女人的安全感不靠哄来得到。

3、如果你要坚持清醒,你有可能拥有更强大的自我,也可以开展更广阔的探索,你将拥有解决问题的能力,但是你也要付出脱胎换骨的巨大努力,承受扒一层皮的痛苦,从一个温室里的花朵,野化成一个真正的女人。很多时候,成长就在于你往悬崖跳的那一瞬间。路就在那里,只看你肯不肯踏上那一步。

 

4、什么是长大,无非是两个能力,一个是消化自己情绪的能力,一个是消化对方情绪的能力。

 

5、这个世界有一个原则:你拥有什么能力就拥有什么生活。如果你想要安全感,首先你要有足够的利爪和足够的厚皮来保护自己。如果没有这方面的能力,我们就只有一个选择:两个小孩子抱在一起取暖。

 

6、你很难指望一个人自己都快崩溃了,还可以为别人共情。所以,在关系出现危机的时候,有一个安全空间可以放下双方无法承载的情绪是非常关键的,没有这个空间,你是无法在这种危险时刻指望一个人说心里话以及正确地理解他人的意图的。

 

7、如果我们吃饱了,我们就会对食物无感。暧昧=你饿的时候进饭馆。很多婚外情都是在我们不知道怎么喂饱自己时开始的。

 

8、就像你无法靠幻想来保持自己的体重一样,安全来自我们实际的工作。但如果你把婚姻当子宫,说明你需要成长的路很长,因为信任感是一个人存在的基础,如果这个部分比较原始,那可能就需要比较大的修复,因为这样的人往往没有别的能力和方法确保安全,她会付出巨大的牺牲来维系一段关系,因为她无处可去。

 

9、任何人相处长了,都会有情感的漏洞,但区别在于,有人能有能力补,有人没有能力补。情感中有两种人,就像减肥有两种人一样,一种人始终能把控自己,一种人始终有口无心。一种是以掌控为乐,一种是以做沙发土豆为乐。一个婚姻的前途就看这个家庭的气场是越来越松垮还是越来越上进就能预测。


10、什么叫过不下去?过不下去就是没法合作,合作什么呢?合作着把彼此的核心需要都满足了。合作系统长期无法建立,就像一个人一年都便秘,一定会出问题。

 

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本文作者

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长程个案

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