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五十岁左右是婚姻的一道坎-给力心理
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五十岁左右是婚姻的一道坎

五十岁左右是婚姻的一道坎
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发表时间:2015-06-19 14:45:25 290 0 0

情感倾诉:

我和我老公都是50年代末出生的,年龄都已逾50了,有一个懂事的女儿。2006年因工作需要我调到另一个区工作(我老公也同意)。女儿在外读书,家里只有老公留守,我每周回家一次。从结婚到老公开高中同学会之前,我都认为我是很幸福的女人,虽然家景不富裕,但有老公的爱,就觉得很幸福了,并很相信老公一辈子都爱我,所以我离开家到异地工作,从此我们成了周末夫妻(有时出差时间会长一些)。

   2007年5月我老公的高中同学30年后开了第一次同学会,自从高中同学会后,老公开始慢慢变了。同学会后,老公手机电话勤了,周末他经常与同学吃饭、进卡厅,多数时间是半夜零晨才回家。偶尔一、两次,我都没在意,但后来经常周末都这样,我告诉他“我们是周末夫妻,一周见一次面,有时出差是半月或一月才能见面,要珍惜”,之后稍好一些。不知什么时候开始,老公学会上网聊天。有一次我在看侄儿从网上传回的结婚照时,发现照片中有几张女人的艺术照不是侄媳妇的,于是我就问他这个女人是谁。他说是一个高中同学,那女人说她照了几张照片传来问他照得好不好(在我要求下现已删除),我说她照的好不好与你有什么关系,他无语。我又问他那个女人的情况,他告诉说她是离了婚的,在××系统工作。
   2008年11月的一个周末的上午,我出于好奇打开了老公的QQ聊天记录(我之前从没有看过他的聊天记录),发现他在我出差期间,他与那女人聊天说:“我想你了,晚上你出来嘛。”看见他们的聊天记录,我当时人一下就懵了,心想一直深爱的丈夫居然对别的女人说出那样的话,眼泪一下夺眶而出,全身发抖。我就问他是怎么回事。他说是网上聊天而已,问他当天晚上他们见面了没有?他说见了的。
   今年6月初的一个周末,我在家做电话清理的时候无意查询了来电显示,发现老公在半夜还在与一个不熟悉的号码通话。我问他是谁的电话号码和谁通话,他说是那女的。问他怎么半夜都在通话,他说是她打来的电话,是因为另一个女同学的事,比较急。
我问他和那女人之间是否发生了婚外情,他说没有。

   我老公属于比较憨厚,不善言谈的人。其实,我并不是反对男女同学的正常往来,认为既然是说得拢话的女同学,双方都没有向男女感情方面想,那为什么不介绍双方的家人认识一下?让几个家庭的人也都成为好朋友呢?

   从我发现那女人的照片和他们的聊天记录及电话通话后,现在老公聊天后就把他们的聊天记录和电话记录都删除了,再也查不到了。我还有4年左右才退休,现在我只要想起这些就失眠(本来我睡眠都不好),我不知道这几年怎么度过,该怎么办,人都快要崩溃了。
   肖军咨询师回复:

   他是不是真的已经走到婚外恋的那一步,还不能随便下结论,但如果您总这样紧张忧虑,老公出轨也是早晚的事情了——因为这样的心理状态是无法及时改善夫妻关系的。
   夫妻到了50岁的时候,这是婚姻的又一道坎!(婚姻中另一道很不好跨过的坎是生小孩之后)为什么这么讲?表面上,这个时候,男人女人大多事业有成了,子女也独立了不需要父母操太多的心,生活很安逸了。但实际情况呢?这个时候的子女大都离开了父母,这就令一些以子女为中心的夫妻难以适应并引发许多婚姻问题。这是很普遍的现象。另外。这个时候的女人大多进入或即将进入更年期,情绪上会面临一些调节上的困难;而这个时候的男人呢?这是他人生最高峰的时刻,也是他即将退出历史舞台的时候,内心会有一些不安,甚至恐惧。有些男人在这个时期就会有抓住青春尾巴的想法——其实这也是很正常的人性现象,只要夫妻关系和谐,就不会出什么问题。

   也就是说,您老公很可能就是在同学聚会之后萌发了抓住青春尾巴的想法。而正好在这个关键时刻,您又被调到了另一个区工作。这正好给了他实施想法的条件。
    那现在,您该怎么办呢?
    1、做妻子的要善于调节自己的情绪。情绪好了,坏事也会变好事;情绪出了问题,好事情都会变坏事。而要解决好情绪的问题除了要加强体育锻炼,多参加娱乐活动,注意改善饮食结构,善于接受新的思想和新的事物之外,还可以找心理咨询师咨询,让心理咨询师给您一些比较专业的比较符合您实际情况的建议。
   2、可以考虑调回去和老公在一起。你们长期不在一起,他当然就只有找同学了,否则他一个人在家要闷出病来的。哪怕你们每天一起散散步,都是很不错的改善夫妻关系的途径。如果实在无法调回去,因为离得并不远,就回去频繁一点作为弥补也可以。
   3、重温一下过去的浪漫时光。比如到恋爱时去过的地方玩,听恋爱时听过的歌,翻一翻恋爱时的照片,回忆恋爱时的点点滴滴。
    4、主动去认识一下老公的那个女同学。为什么要主动呢?不是老公主动提出呢?因为老公憨厚,不善言谈啊!这样内向一点的男人可能不大会解决这样的问题啊!
    总之,主动一点去改善目前的处境和目前的夫妻关系,相信你们一定能顺利地跨过婚姻的这道坎!

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本文作者

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