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婚姻咨询——婚姻出轨的预防-给力心理
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婚姻咨询——婚姻出轨的预防

婚姻咨询——婚姻出轨的预防
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发表时间:2015-06-03 10:43:20 171 0 0

 夫妻无论任何一方出轨,一旦彼此摊牌言明,轻则夫妻感情破裂,重则家庭支离破碎。丈夫是一家私企的主管,工作出色,掌管公司的主要部门,部门里有二十多人,相互配合,业绩一直都很不错。两年前一件突发的事情,改变了他们十五年自认为很幸福的婚姻生活,从此,很难再看到他每天快乐的样子,经常一个人在办公室里吸烟。情绪特别的低落。在咨询的过程中,他表现的特别的焦虑,反复的陈述那不堪入目的画面。自从那件事的发生,他无法相信这是真的,对妻子也没有了当初的信任,甚至用冷暴力对妻子。他把所有的情绪都压抑在自己的内心。长期的压抑让他开始酗酒,有一次在醉酒后还动手打了妻子,导致两个人的感情越来越淡,矛盾不断的升级。在咨询的过程中,我通过意象、叙事疗法等技术了解了当事人并不想离婚,并且还深深的爱着妻子,他自己也承认有一段时间险些出轨,对妻子过于冷淡,忽略了妻子的感受,才导致这样的结局。所以他内心特别纠结,又矛盾。通过两次的疏导,他情绪有所缓和,但还需一段时间的治疗。不单单对他,还有他的妻子和孩子,我有一套整体的方案,不但解决个人的问题提升内在,整个家庭同时进行疏导从而达到共同提升的目的,让整个家庭的幸福指数提升,更和谐快乐。

但事实上,出轨并非是偶然性的突发事件,很多事情的发生一定有原因,完全是可以预防,无论丈夫还是妻子都是可以控制事态的发展过程的,这需要做到以下“四感”:

1.保持新鲜感

婚姻的坦诚带来了生活的轻松感,不需要伪装和隐瞒,但随意而来的是殆倦感。日复一日的油盐酱醋茶,失去了两人之间的神秘感和浪漫感,由此出现了婚姻的“七年之痒”。要打破这种殆倦和习惯,就要适时创造婚姻的新鲜感,给对方以不时的刺激和惊喜,并且适当保留自己的空间,给对方一些神秘感,这样才能维持婚姻的新鲜度。

2.强化归属感

婚姻能够给人带来归属感,对于男性而言更是如此。在社会上拼搏,难免有挫折和失败的时候,家庭就是男性休养生息得到精神抚慰的场所,多年的默契合作和情感分享,妻子更是男性事业成功的重要支持力量,这是情人无法带提供的,而即便是出轨,男性也始终对妻子怀有内疚感,因而大部分男性是不会抛弃妻子与其他女性在一起的。

3.增强危机感

当丈夫出轨时,很多妻子理所当然地认为自己是受害者,殊不知是彼此的感情出了问题,才让别人有可乘之机。如果妻子对丈夫出轨处理不当,完全可能将丈夫推向另一个女人,踏上抛弃家庭的不归路。因此,妻子们也需要多反思自己的行为,平时是不是太强势,是不是太任性,是不是不够女人味等等……只有不断反思不断进步,才能敏锐察觉婚姻关系的变化。

4.培养制衡感

婚姻是一场博弈,尤其激情退却进入平稳期之后。妻子太强势,丈夫会为了寻求男性的尊严和自信而另找情人找回男人的本性,妻子太软弱,丈夫们则容易对婚姻产生绝对控制感而无所顾忌的出轨,因此,如何扮演好妻子角色亦是女性们的难题。既保持自己一定的独立,又能给予丈夫“面子”和尊严,互相牵制互相依赖,积极解决矛盾,和谐家庭关系,丈夫也就逃不出自己的掌心了。

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本文作者

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公益助人

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长程个案

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续单率

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咨询时
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