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早年依恋关系问题容易导致情感障碍-给力心理
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早年依恋关系问题容易导致情感障碍

早年依恋关系问题容易导致情感障碍
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发表时间:2015-04-03 09:50:40 259 0 0

  近来的咨询开展得有条不紊,而作为一个以情感为主要咨询内容的咨询师,我却有责任跟大家探讨一下,什么样的人可能更容易产生情感心理问题。

    从案例实践的角度,我发现一个规律性,共性的东西,那就是早年依恋关系有一些问题的人,长大后,更不容易对情感满足,且易出现问题。何谓早年依恋关系紊乱呢?比如,小时候被父母寄养,可能会寄养在亲戚家,小时候被抱养给别人,或者,父母和自己不亲,情感疏远的,在童年期没有体验到一段长期的稳定的情感关系,长大后,也许也会很难体会到和伴侣之间的情感,也更不易亲近,和爱人之间产生隔阂。

    心理学上的“依恋”是指在儿童和特定,比如父母或其他养育者之间形成的一种正性情绪连结,婴儿时期的依恋关系模式会影响我们后半生如何与他人建立关系。艾斯沃斯(M.Ainsworth)将婴儿对母亲的依恋表现分为:1.  安全型依恋:母亲在就有安全感,对外界积极反应。2.  回避型依恋:缺乏依恋,与母亲未建立起亲密的感情联结。对外界反应较消极。3.  反抗型依恋,即寻求与母亲接触,又反抗母亲的爱抚,亦称矛盾型依恋。这类婴儿没有建立起依恋安全感,是典型的焦虑型依恋。安全型依恋是积极依恋,回避型和反抗型依恋均属消极的不安全型依恋。

    如若这种正性情感连结建立得不好时,产生了不安全依恋,那么会影响成年后的情感生活。如果她对父母形成了不安全的依恋,比如回避型,那么她很可能在以后的亲密关系中也过分采取回避,冷战等办法,处理双方感情,会导致双方更加疏离,甚至导致分手。疏离型的人习惯独自处理情感,回避与爱人分享自己的感受,看似很坚强,其实内心更脆弱,不太相信关系能够通过沟通和分享进入到更深处,逃避自己的感觉,也对对方的感觉倾向于冷漠或者不反应。不依赖关系,看似很独立,对人有几分冷漠与漠不关心,这类人也是情感孤独症的高发人群。

    另外一种不安全依恋,则是焦虑反抗型。这类人会对亲蜜关系有诸多挑剔,既很需要感情,但又像带刺儿的玫瑰一样,很难真正靠近,他们总会感觉你无法真正满足自己的需要,容易指责,自己的标准很苛刻,喜欢改造对方,希望按照自己需要的样子去塑造对方,又爱又怕,也比较麻烦。这类人常常不断恋爱,又因为彼此难以安全融合,而不断失恋分开,感情关系很难长久,对恋人无条件地接纳较差,在感情中容易多虑,会对自己是否能获得爱显得缺乏安全感,嫉妒心也较重。

   但是,什么又是安全性依恋呢?这类人内心更为稳定,对外在有积极反应,觉得自己能够得到爱,值得爱,因此也不紧张,不焦虑.他们不害怕恋人离开,会给对方一定的自由度,相信自己有魅力,对双方感情有信心,具备经营的方略.信任对方,给对方空间,不胡思乱想。

   安全性依恋的伴侣可遇而不可求,他们这种健康而正能量十足的依恋方式,会帮助双方过得更好,你只有不害怕,活在当下,也才能获得别人健康的爱。

   其实,会爱的人大多心理健康,而心理情感健康的人,也才更会去吸引爱,不会因为一点点小事就感到难受,认为对方不爱自,.他们容易感到满足,也善于给对方以安全感,树立对情感的信心。

    所以,当你发现自己的情感出了问题,可以细致地观察了解一下自己的依恋关系,没准儿能找到问题的根源,对症下药。

   

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长程个案

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