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要教小孩学会独处-给力心理
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要教小孩学会独处

要教小孩学会独处
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发表时间:2015-07-27 15:40:08 381 0 2


要教小孩学会独处

现在的小孩,玩具多了,却不知道怎么样和自己玩。他们就是真的不知道,还是因为太依赖家长不肯自己单独玩呢?



1.慢一拍

M刚坐下吃饭,M爸就忙着要给她拿筷子;M刚穿好鞋子,M爸已经把她的书包提上了车;M刚流下鼻涕,M爸就为她准备好了餐巾纸......久而久之,M就会把垃圾塞到爸爸的手中,M口渴的时候就会嚷嚷“爸爸,我要喝水。”而M爸在心情好的时候就会照单全收,无怨无悔地为她服务,在心情差的时候就火冒三丈,向我来告状。

归根结底,还是M爸自己的错,他如果能再慢一拍,孩子就能知道接下来要做什么,养成习惯之后就不会如此地依赖他。

孩子一般需要比成年人多5秒钟的时间来思考接下来要做什么,我们不能太着急。

2.再多一点想象力

M刚睡醒,麻麻总是忘记上前拥抱她,急匆匆地提醒M加外套,上厕所,blabla好烦人;M跌倒了,麻麻总是愁眉苦脸地说她怎么那么不小心。最近从一本绘本上知道麻麻应该说:有没有弄伤呀,让我来亲一亲,很快就会不疼了呢!(老外真的多是这么说的)

M又一次又夹到手了(她经常以不同形式夹到自己的手指),我这次没有训她,我拉过了她的小手,用琼瑶阿姨里的男主角的眼神看着她说:是不是很疼?麻麻来亲一下。M果然不哭不闹,这件事情就过去了。我让她下次要注意安全,她很快乐地点了点头。

教育应该是充满快乐的,当一个孩子不快乐时,他的智力和潜能就会大大降低。呵斥和指责不会带来什么好的结果。

3.不受限地玩

M是独生子女,于是我们给她找了一只一岁的小狗。刚开始M不知道应该如何和狗狗在室外玩耍,于是我通过训练狗狗捡球让她们互动。M不希望一味地模仿大人,她要创造出自己的玩耍游戏,但是小孩子么,怎么能理解“条件反射”这件事?于是我在这方面干涉很多,她后来干脆就不和狗玩了。给力专家心理咨询:http://xinli.geilizhuanjia.com/ 

我决定让她自由发挥,爱怎么玩怎么玩,她只要能留意狗狗的上厕所时间就好。结果,她想出了很多快乐的游戏,狗也变得放松起来。

现在,她们是最好的朋友。

我总是提醒M说:狗狗在家里等你哦,以后放学记得早点回家,陪她一起玩。

M似懂非懂地点点头。

4.找固定的玩伴

美国本土小孩和谁都玩得起来,孩子们会有各种玩伴,一起泡图书馆的,一起下棋的,一起画画的,或者是一起玩音乐的,他们是因为志趣相投而走到一起,绝不会因为是好朋友而粘在一起做任何事情。

我目前给M找了几个玩伴一起学中文,到时候看看她们能不能成为很好的朋友。

5.设立单独玩耍的时间

平时周一到周六我们一起玩的时间从晚上19点开始到20点30分结束,周末的话可以一起玩3-4个小时,其余时间她得自己想办法打发(。

6.不要总是去打断孩子

美国家长似乎只关心安全问题,至于其他的小问题,他们都可以忽略不计。孩子就安心地玩,不会无休止地被父母打扰:渴么?热么?冷么?重么?累么?饿么?要上厕所么?

拜托,这些都是本能反应,孩子会不知道吗?

但是作为华人父母的代表,我的确是有点烦人了。现实生活中成人随意打破儿童的秩序会使儿童经受痛苦,而成人常常不了解这一点我们还不知道儿童心里到底有多少秘密,正如蒙特梭利所说,儿童的心灵是一个神秘的深渊,照料他的成人并不了解它。当我们不了解的时候,让我们怀着敬畏之心,给他们爱和自由。

7.培养一种兴趣爱好

M实在觉得没什么好玩的时候,她会拿出画笔画画,她虽然没有经过正统培训,但是绘画作品充满想象,是我喜欢的风格。最近要买琴了,我们会先跟着网上学习基本功,等她完成学校的乐理知识,我们就可以开始正式的钢琴课了。由于弹钢琴的对将来的学校乐队没什么太大的帮助,M会把主要精力放在学习吉他上,钢琴就成了我的主要玩具了。

如果学习乐器不会变成一件紧张而痛苦的事情,那么没有什么音乐是学不好的了。当然,音乐是讲究准确率的,跟数学一样,长期训练是很重要的。给力专家心理咨询:http://xinli.geilizhuanjia.com/ 

小孩子的兴趣转移得总是很快,有时像一只蜜蜂,人们希望它在一朵花上停留得久些,再久些,但它却总是一会儿停在这里,一会儿又停在那里,在空中闲逛的嗡嗡声让人心烦。但这是孩子的天性,孩子越小,他的注意力停留在一件事上的时间就越短。

对于这样年轻的生命来说,他们周围世界的可能性是无穷的,他要在这种无穷的可能性中去发现属于他自己的小天地。不过不要心急,总会有办法的。

M现在可以耐心地连续读完4本书,做一上午的卡片,与我下一阵子象棋和唱一小会儿歌(以前可以唱一个小时)。

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