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关于与父母的关系-给力心理
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关于与父母的关系

关于与父母的关系
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https://yun.geilixinli.com/@!size60"/>

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发表时间:2015-06-23 15:48:41 204 0 0

1.如果父母的婚姻不幸福,孩子想要有幸福的婚姻就会遭遇挑战。当然这并不是不可能实现的,只是该如何突破这个挑战呢?这需要足够的勇气和智慧,第一,孩子要尊重父母的互动方式,并有勇气退回到孩子的序位,因为当他太靠近父母时,无意识里便容易卷入父母之前的问题。

2.孩子要打破以为借口重复与父母发生相同的事就可以保持跟父母连接的迷思,是以身为孩子的我们要下定决心,即使父母不幸福,我们也要让自己幸福。这对某些人来说,可能很不容易,因为孩子会觉得自己背叛了父母,会感到罪恶感,害怕自己好像会脱离父母,但其实不然,这反倒是孩子感谢父母的最佳方式。

3.对孩子来说,他们误以为和父母发生相同的事,就可以维持与父母的连接,却没有觉察到这种爱的方式会让父母的不幸不断重复,从他们这一代重复到下一代。

4.如果父母是对立的,那么孩子内在的冲突就更大了,因为一半的他要对爸爸忠诚、另一半的他要对妈妈忠诚,他的内在会因此产生极大的分裂与对抗,这种无意识的行为出自于孩子对父母的爱,但这种爱是盲目的爱,是不成熟的爱。

5.当孩子看到父母吵架、分开时会无比难过,所以很多孩子暗地在心里想着“以后我一定不要跟父母一样”。但很奇怪的,虽然头脑这样告诉自己,可是为了不要和父母一样,他会很认真观察父母的行为,当他观察得越仔细,脑袋就记得越清楚,等到以后有自己的伴侣时,有意无意间,他便做出与父母亲相同的行为。

6.真正的幸福是从尊重父母如是的样子而来,希望父母变成另外样子的孩子是无法真正快乐的,所以有些人永远保持在抱怨或做梦而长不大的状态。

7.我们不但要报答父母,看到父母已经给我们丰富的一切时,更要在心中尊重父母的序位。这么做,我们的内心会充满幸福,因为能知道自己幸福的人,才能真正幸福;能报答父母恩惠的人,心中才能真正平安!

8.当我们没有在心里给父母位置时,心就会变得空虚;当我们批评或否定父母的同时,也否定了自己生命的源头,让自己变得好像比父母更大、拥有更高的位置一样,而这些都违背了家庭“序位法则”。

9.当我们要求那些过去没有得到的爱,把注意力放在那些没有得到的爱上,我们的内心会变得越来越贫瘠,因为我们忽略了我们所拥有的,此时我们在自己的心里创造了一个黑洞,不但把自己的幸福削弱,连身边人的幸福感与快乐感,也会被这个黑洞所侵蚀。

10.的确,有时有些孩子没办法从父母身上获得太多的爱和照顾,但是孩子总会从其他人的身上得到,比如从祖父母、外公外婆、亲戚或其他照顾者,否者我们早就不在这里了。因此,事实是我们已经得到“足够的”了。

11.假使孩子没有看到这个生命是如此珍贵,眼里只看到那些没有得到的部分,认为父母做得不够、应该做得更好的话,孩子会陷入失望和无法满足的状态,这个状态会影响一辈子,让我们越来越贫乏、失落,最后走向失败。

12.当父母给予我们生命,让我们可以来到这个世界,这便是父母能给我们的最好礼物。他们已经为生命做了他们所能做的事情,让生命传承到这个世界上。如果父母给我们更多的照顾,这些是额外给我们的。

13.比如家庭系统是由父母与孩子所形成的,当父母吵架时,若母亲受到委屈,对父亲感到愤怒,但她表面上没有表现出来,反而把愤怒压抑下来,此时孩子会莫名地对父亲感到愤怒,即使他没有亲眼看到他们吵架,因为孩子承担了母亲的愤怒,因此对父亲不尊重,甚至不想上学。这就是系统。

14.当我们得到“生命”这份礼物时,虽然它的珍贵性让我们难以回报,但是,如果可以在心中表达对父母的感谢,我们会感受到自己身处在这个生命之流里,感受到一种完整与平静,同时也让我们回到自己的轨道上,明了接下来该怎么做。

15.我们的妈妈也许不是一个完美的人,但如果对妈妈期待太多,或要求妈妈变成另外的样子,我们就没有办法看见生命的真相,也就是只有透过这个妈妈,我们才能得到这个生命;如果换成别的妈妈,我们就不再是现在的自己了。因此,接受生命事实的真相,跟妈妈和解,事实上也是跟自己和解….

16.当父母有过错时,我们应小心规劝,但态度要诚恳、和颜悦色,声音要柔和;当父母不听劝告时,我们要等待适当时机再继续劝告,就算有时痛哭流涕也要恳求父母改过,或者即便遭到责打也要无怨无悔地继续规劝。

17.如果有人在行为上不尊重父母,代表他已违背了序位法则;但最令人难以觉察的是在无意识里违背序位法则,而且这些违背的人常都理直气壮,因为他们认为自己有爱,殊不知这种爱是走入歧途的爱,是失序的爱,以至于自己不知不觉站在更高的位置对待父母,认为自己的爱才是对的。

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长程个案

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续单率

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