A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$avghousemoney

Filename: controllers/Article.php

Line Number: 147

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 147
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$avgmoney

Filename: controllers/Article.php

Line Number: 147

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 147
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$sex

Filename: controllers/Article.php

Line Number: 148

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 148
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

为什么有些人拒绝别人的方式是说谎而不是直接说不?-给力心理
首页 > 心理文章 >

为什么有些人拒绝别人的方式是说谎而不是直接说不?

为什么有些人拒绝别人的方式是说谎而不是直接说不?
转载文章

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$faceJPG

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 9

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 9
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

https://yun.geilixinli.com/@!size60"/>

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$nickname

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 9

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 9
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

发表时间:2015-08-31 11:26:59 563 0 1



  拒绝别人是需要力量的,这种力量来源于人的自主性。一个有充分自主性的人,能够确认自己的选择与主张,当然会有拒绝别人的力量。相反,一个缺少自主性的人,往往会顺从地接受那些他们内心抵触的要求,因为他们很少有力量去对抗他人。当他们总算鼓起勇气拒绝了别人时,马上会产生内疚、焦虑、自责、羞耻等负面情感。对于缺少自主性的人来说,任何选择的情景都会让他们寝食难安。

 

  一个男孩重复了某种模式。A和B是他所喜欢的两个女孩,不过他更喜欢A,两人有时会互送礼物,感情即将水到渠成,等待着窗户纸被捅破的那一刻。有一天,B突然向他表白了,男孩因为更倾向于A,于是便礼貌的拒绝了B。B很伤心,B的伤心让男孩不知所措,并感到非常难过。于是男孩心软了,他开始怀疑自己的选择,后来他主动地约了B,并莫名其妙的答应了B。但与B的相处并未让男孩安心,他不断地被后悔与想逃的感觉所占据着。

 

  这个男孩无论在恋爱关系里,还是在专业选择上,都出现了类似的纠结模式。在他的成长过程中,他的主张总被父母粗暴的干涉,从日常的琐事直到专业的选择,无一不如此。我们可以推测,在这个男孩的自主性没有被很好的建立起来,选择与拒绝的情景是他最无力应对的情况。

 

  在孩子的成长过程中,大约在2-3岁的年龄阶段,会经历一个自主性对依赖的冲突高峰。孩子会频繁地出现说“不”的行为,比如不合作,不听话,不遵守规矩,随地大小便,不吃饭等等。这些拒绝行为其实是孩子建立自主性的尝试,他们想要感觉到自己并非依附于父母,而是可以自我作主的。这种自我作主的感觉对于每个人来说都是独立的重要标志。如果父母能够尊重和理解这个说不的淘气小孩,并适当的管教,那么孩子的自主性便被建立了起来,他们会建立起自豪的品质,拒绝他人时不会有强烈的内疚或羞耻。相反,如果父母总是将自己的需求合理化地作为正当权益,擅自将孩子的需求归结为错误的,这种自私专横的养育方式将引发孩子焦虑、羞耻和内疚的情感。

 

  在生活中经常可以见到这样的父母,以种种有利于他们的说辞,比如“爸妈赚钱很辛苦,你要听话”、“不孝顺”、“把我气得心脏病发作了”,来打压孩子的自主性需求,有些父母还会因为孩子的不听话而施以严厉的惩罚。这些孩子经常会被内疚与焦虑所控制,特别是在与别人意见相悖的情况下。为了避免体验这些痛苦的情感,孩子会违心地答应父母的无理要求,但这种违心的答应背后又潜藏着强烈的愤怒。远离父母是这些孩子强烈的渴望,谁愿意跟一个总是不尊重你的人相处呢?

 

  回到题主的问题,为什么有些人拒绝别人的方式是说谎而不是直接说不?原因在于这些人缺少拒绝别人的力量。于是他们采取了侥幸的方式,以说谎的方式去掩饰真实的拒绝意图,以避免体验到因为直接拒绝而唤起的内疚或羞耻,或者避免受到想象中的伤害。自主性没有充分建立好的人,严重的会出现强迫的症状,生怕任何拒绝或攻击信息的泄露,采取仪式性的行为去抵消那些攻击性的意图。比如,反复的整理、计数,过度爱清洁,以这种反向形成的方式,去防御内在强烈的伤害性愿望。

 

  最后来补充一些关于如何提升自主性的思路,以回应下面几位知友的评论。前面做了为什么会缺乏自主性的分析,由这些分析可知,一个缺乏自主性的人,对于拒绝总是会有消极的预期(比如,强烈担心他人的不满),或者总会过度地为他人着想,容易受到他人消极情绪的左右(比如那个当B伤心时便违心顺从的男孩)。所以改变的关键是去修正这种预期,把天平摆在自身这边,去认同而不是怀疑自己的选择。一段良好的关系是修正不良预期的途径,特别是每次拒绝或自主的行为能够得到对方尊重的回应时。也可以试着把每次拒绝他人并有积极体验的情景记录下来,逐渐去强化对于拒绝的积极感受。在想法层面,去更多的关注拒绝的积极方面,比如“拒绝是有力量的表现”、“拒绝并非自私,而是一种正当的权力”,去找到适合你的对于拒绝的积极态度

0人已踩 1人已赞
/">

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$nickname

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 59

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 59
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

本文作者

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$city

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 63

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 63
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$birthday

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 64

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 64
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

0岁
ID:

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$ID

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 66

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 66
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

公益助人

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$freeanswer

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 68

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 68
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

收费助人

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$servicenum

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 68

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 68
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$summary

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 75

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 75
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$longnum

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 81

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 81
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

长程个案

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$addorder

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 82

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 82
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

%

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$addorder

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 83

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 83
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$addorder

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 85

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 85
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

续单率

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$callhours

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 89

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 89
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

咨询时
0 性价比

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$articlenum

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 98

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 98
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

原创文章
作者文章
亲爱的,别让你爱的人自卑
644 4 0
那些鸡汤骗了你
645 1 2
生活中常见的病态心理 你遇到过吗?
772 5 1

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$ID

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 118

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 118
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

/" class="a_home">作者主页
语音通话

A PHP Error was encountered

Severity: Notice

Message: Undefined property: stdClass::$ID

Filename: article/detail.php

Line Number: 121

Backtrace:

File: /newgeili2020/front/views/article/detail.php
Line: 121
Function: _error_handler

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 167
Function: view

File: /newgeili2020/front/controllers/Article.php
Line: 187
Function: _detail_pc

File: /newgeili2020/index.php
Line: 344
Function: require_once

)">私聊
相关阅读更多

服务与支持

给力心理APP


给力心理
APP