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懂得这些,你的婚姻一定会很幸福-给力心理
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懂得这些,你的婚姻一定会很幸福

懂得这些,你的婚姻一定会很幸福
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发表时间:2015-07-14 16:23:58 168 0 0

一个姑娘和一个汉子成了家,姑娘的口味清淡,汉子无辣不欢。

    姑娘常去父母家蹭饭吃。

    一天,姑娘的父亲做的菜咸了些,母亲一声不响拿来水杯,夹了一筷子菜,将菜在清水里荡一下后再入口。

    忽然,姑娘从母亲细微的动作里领悟到了什么。

    第二天,姑娘在家做了丈夫爱吃的菜。

    当然,每一个菜里都放辣椒。

    只是,她的面前多了一杯清水。汉子看着她津津有味的吃着清水里荡过的菜,眼睛里有轻微的湿润。

    之后,丈夫也争着做菜。

    但是菜里面已经找不到辣椒了。

    只是他的面前多了一碟辣酱。菜在辣酱里蘸一下。每一口,他都吃的心满意足。

    为了爱,也为了自己,他们一个坚守着一碟辣酱,一个坚守着一杯清水。

    他们更懂得怎样坚守一份天长地久,细水长流的爱。

    爱,一定需要相濡以沫的支持和理解。

    有一次,我和几位朋友到江西,晚上住在宾馆,刚刚睡下,突然下起了雷雨。朋友披衣起床,自言自语:“不知杭州下没下雨?”

    我说:“不会吧。”

    朋友叹口气,说:“我老婆特别怕雷,只要雷雨天,她肯定失眠。”

    朋友的电话打通后,我听他在说:“杭州有没有下雨?”接着,朋友说:“那就早点睡,别看那些婆婆妈妈的电视连续剧。”

    他合上手机,对我说:“杭州没下雨。”

    前前后后,通话时间不到一分钟。

    比起恋爱时期的“电话粥”,几十秒的通话时间真是太短了,但是,这几十秒钟,隽永如斯。

    婚姻到最后究竟留下什么?有平平安安的日子,有相扶相助的情感,那是婚姻的大境界。

    婚姻不只是嫁一个男人或娶一个女人那么简单,它有三重境界。

    第一重境界:和一个自己所爱的人结婚。

    第二重境界:和一个自己所爱的人及TA的习惯结婚。

    第三个境界:和一个自己所爱的人及TA的习惯,还有他的背景结婚。

    处在第一境界的夫妻,婚姻相对稳固。处在第二境界的夫妻,婚姻比较稳定。处在第三境界的夫妻,很少见到有离婚的。

    在这个世界上,那些白头偕老的人,一生基本上都结三次婚。

    第一次是在饭店里,在亲朋好友的恭喜和祝福中,与一个自己所爱的人结婚。

    第二次是在家里,两人经过几年磨合,互与对方的习惯结婚。

    第三次是在家族里,与对方的各类的亲情结婚。

    第二次和第三次结婚与第一次相比,有很多的不同。没有隆重的婚礼,也没有亲朋好友来祝贺,唯一在场的是双方的默契。

    真正的婚姻,往往都是发生在最后的两次。

    现在好多人结婚两三年就离婚了,如果仔细的分析一下,就会发现:原因就是没有把自己的婚姻从第一重推入到第二重境界。

    大家都知道,沸腾的水能杀灭细菌。热恋和沸水一样,也能杀灭当事人身上的缺点和不足。

    那些热恋中完美无缺的白马王子和小鸟依人的姑娘,进入婚姻这杯不温不火的水之后,缺点和不足会像细菌一样重新回来。

    这时你必须跨入婚姻的第二重境界,和TA的习惯结婚,接纳和包容TA的缺点和不足。

    否则,婚姻之花就会因为根系过浅而枯萎。

    那些本来是非常恩爱的一对,就很少有人把离婚挂在嘴上。

    在心理上,他们已接受了对方性格中的不足。有的甚至还把对方的这种不足变成了自己的一种关怀。

    这时的婚姻是甜蜜和温馨的,呈现出的最大特点是宽容和互补。

    然而,婚姻的温馨并不能代表婚姻的稳固。稳固的婚姻还需要第三次升华,那就是与对方的各类亲情结婚。

    也就是说,把你对TA一人的爱扩展到他的父母和亲友,并且在这种爱中,对婚姻有了智慧的领悟:你的另一半不但属于你,TA还属于他的父母和朋友,甚至还属于TA自己,婚姻一旦进入这种境界,也便进入禅定的状态,想分开都非常难。

    在爱情的世界里,许多男人往往误解婚姻就是娶一个女人,而忽略了还要娶过来女人自身的追求,以及女人身后的背景。

    许多女人误解婚姻就是嫁给一个男人,而不知道还要嫁给这个男人的习惯和性格,以及这个男人背后的家族。

    这种认识上的错误,让我们在这个世界上,看到了不少破碎的婚姻。

 

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本文作者

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长程个案

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