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为什么活得这么累?因为你太追求完美-给力心理
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为什么活得这么累?因为你太追求完美

为什么活得这么累?因为你太追求完美
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发表时间:2016-09-06 09:38:05 359 0 0
 1

 
一个PPT,只是要在小组晨会上简单用一下,而且你已经做得结构完整、逻辑清晰、版式漂亮。但是你不满意,非要来来回回调字号,反反复复换图片,折腾到半夜,都达到国际新闻发布会标准了,你还停不下来,还纠结于某个线条的弧度不够优美。

一件毛衣,有款有范儿、舒服合身,就是袖口接缝不太整齐,你拆了缝,缝了拆,怎么都对不好那条缝。最后你气急败坏把它打入冷宫,死活不肯临幸一次。

一个男朋友,帅,体贴,有能力,就是话有点少。你每次见他,都如鲠在喉,忍了很久,终于分手。
……

你是个完美主义者,容不得半点瑕疵。
你想要一个完美的PPT,一件完美的毛衣,一枚完美的男朋友。可是,你拼上老命,也根本做不出一百分的PPT,买不起一百分的毛衣,找不到一百分的男朋友。
所以,你整天累得要死。你总是没衣服穿。你至今还是一枚单身汪。 


2


完美主义这种病,很害人的。
因为完美主义,你对朋友、爱人、亲人不满意,对公司会计、干洗店老板、卖水果的大爷不满意,对城市、工作、房子不满意,对早餐的面包、卧室的挂钟、小区的绿植不满意。
当然,你对自己更不满意。
你挑剔别人,也不放过自己。
你有生之年,都是在找茬中度过的。

很多根本无关紧要的小瑕疵——朋友一个淡漠的眼神,苹果上的一个微小虫洞,会议上不经意说错的一句话,都能让你肝肠寸断。
别人考试拿70分就开心得要命,而你考90分却还难受得想撞墙。
别人跑最后一名也能坚持跑到终点,而你只要追不上第一名就想退赛。

你就是要尽善尽美,虽然你和世界都根本不完美。
你眼里容不得一微米的砂子,而世界遍地是砂子。
可以想象你活得多么纠结,多么压抑,多么苦不堪言。

你也许会带着点优越感告诉别人:我是个完美主义者。这表明你是对自己有要求的人,你会尽力把事情做好。
但是这完美主义带给你的辛酸,只有你自己知道。




3

 
人的幸福感,来自欲望得到满足。而完美主义者的欲望,多半都不现实。很多你想要的东西,世上根本没有,或者你根本没能力得到。

所以,可以肯定地说:一个完美主义者,是不可能真正快乐的。
不。可。能。

丘吉尔说:完美主义让人瘫痪。
确实如此。

因为完美主义会诱发很多病——
假如你要做一件事,比如跟客户去谈合作,明明做到八十分就很好,但作为一个完美主义者,你会情不自禁地制定一个一百分的标准,然后要求自己必须达到。这是强迫症。

而如果你觉得自己可能达不到一百分,就会迟迟不愿行动。这是拖延症。

越拖越没好结果,越没好结果越不想做,最后干脆放弃。这会让人产生无力感,继而否定自我价值,最后生出自卑、自闭心理。

就算不得不去做,也会因为预测自己做不到完美,而一路亚历山大,深感恐慌。于是就有了焦虑症。

最后真的没做好,你就崩溃了。或者,也许做得不错,达到了八十分。但你依然会纠结于失掉的20分,为了小细节上的小失误痛彻心扉,懊恼沮丧,自我折磨。然后就生了抑郁症。

哈佛博士本•沙哈尔说,苛求完美是人们寻求幸福最大的障碍。
苛求完美,其实是对世界无知、对自己无情,是一种无意识的自虐。
尽管完美主义确实有些好处,比如让你更严谨更敬业更努力更优秀,但与此同时,它也一定会让你一遍遍感受生活的重度碾压,以致内心伤痕累累。

所以,完美主义不是什么优点,而是一种性格缺陷。这种病,不治不行。


4

 
怎么治呢?
首先,要认清现实。这个现实,包括世界是什么样,你是什么样。比如,世上根本没有十全十美的男人,而以你的资质,九全九美的也够不着,你能找到最好的男人,就是隔壁王小贱这样的。这是事实,你要清楚。

其次,不要任性。就是因为任性,因为不理性不清醒不克制,你才会花大量精力去做一个根本没必要完美的PPT,才会固执地非要找到一百分的男人才肯嫁。放任自己不惜代价去追求一个不合理的目标,就是作大死。

最后,保持低期望。不管做什么,都要根据你的能力和现实情况,制定合理的标准,去追求那个“最优”而不是“完美”的结果,并满足于实现目标的大部分,而不是全部。

“尽量做好”和“苛求完美”是两回事,你要分清。
不必因为自己一丁点事情没做好,就觉得是奇耻大辱。
更不必因为别人没有满足自己的全部期望,就气急败坏。
你是一个大人了,不要再像个孩子那样,怀着荒谬的想法,做荒唐的事情了。
你放下偏执,接纳现实,幸福才会到你碗里来。

   -END- 
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原创文章
作者文章
为什么活得这么累?因为你太追求完美
完美主义这种病,很害人的。 因为完美主义,你对朋友、爱人、亲人不满意,对公司会计、干洗店老板、卖水果的大爷不满意,对城市、工作、房子不满意,对早餐的面包、卧室的挂钟、小区的绿植不满意。 当然,你对自己更不满意。 你挑剔别人,也不放过自己。 你有生之年,都是在找茬中度过的。
359 0 0
爱上一个有家的男人,应该怎么办?
要尽快的成长,勇敢地面对婚姻。
1428 18 2
心里不舒服,不知道怎么办?
每个人压力既来自于外在,也来自于内在。
2468 14 4

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